The non-scientific study of Dawn's mental state

NEW BLOG ANNOUNCEMENT

2008-09-08T23:03:00.006+08:00

I've got me a brand new blog at http://herkillerheels.blogspot.com

It's a little snazzier and sassier and...haha, perhaps a better representation of who I am now.

Dawnology.blogspot.com will continue to exist of course, but I will no longer be updating it.

See ya at my new blog!

Something old, something new...

2008-09-07T05:44:00.005+08:00

In general, something nice (in my humble opinion) is in the works,
and it's ready for unveiling soon! ; )

I Heart Singapore

2008-08-09T23:24:00.004+08:00

Teared while watching National Day Parade 2008 earlier in the evening.

It's a regular occurence every year.

The difference is, as I did not manage to catch the parade in absolute privacy (that is, within the sanctuary of my room) this year, I was less of a sobbing mess. The tears just sort of rolled around in the socket of my eyes.

Each year, the tears get especially bad when songs like "We Are Singapore" come on...when we are reminded of how we beat the odds by lyrics like "There was a time when people said that Singapore won't make it, but we did/There was a time when trouble seemed too much for us to take, but we did..."

I am just so so so proud of Singapore and all that she has managed to achieve for herself within the short span of a mere 43 years...that's a very young age, for a country. Especially one that is no more than a tiny dot on the world map, and one that is without natural resources of any kind. I am truly glad that I am lucky enough to be born a Singaporean.

Happy Birthday, Singapore!

The power to say "NO"...to myself

2008-07-15T00:34:00.006+08:00

In the early hours of 15 July 2008, at precisely 12.30am, I did something that I wanted to stop doing for a long time, for the last time.

From now onwards, I want it to be out of my life completely.

And I want myself to be powerful enough to do that.

I know I can.

Congratulations to me ; )

我们爱你 II

2008-07-05T18:03:00.008+08:00

今天是阳历7月5日。。。

就这样，你离开了我们整整一个月。

不知道为什么，感觉上，你像是离开了很久了。。。就是不像“一个月”感觉上那么短的时间。

感觉上，从你离开的那一天起，我们像是过了一世。

我已经不会动不动就流眼泪了。。。很多时候甚至还能够被某些事逗得大笑。。。但是，每天都会想起你好几回。。。一想起，心就会痛，就会忍不住叹气，就会有很多很多的遗憾。。。

很遗憾，你是那么那么那么的疼爱我，但我从来都不曾为你真正做过些什么。。。甚至到了最后，无论我怎么想，都不太想得起你爱吃什么。

很遗憾，你是那么那么那么的疼爱我，我却记不起这么多年里，在你还好好的日子里，我有没有对你说过

“我爱你”。

很遗憾，你是那么那么那么的疼爱我，我却来不及让你对我放心，为我感到骄傲。

很遗憾，虽然你的离开让我们大家学会珍惜，也因此几乎在一夜之间拉近了多年的距离，但这一切却来得太迟。。。你来不及参与。

不过你放心，虽然这些遗憾有时会把我压得喘不过气，但我会将这些遗憾转化为动力。

我会努力学习如何把自己人生的各个环节理好整理好，如何把自己做到最好。

同时，我也会努力学习如何好好照顾所有的家人和维系大家的感情。

最重要的是，我会学会珍惜。。。因为太多事都有可能忽然停止。。。只有珍惜过，才不会有遗憾。

我们爱你

2008-06-12T21:34:00.004+08:00

一个星期过去了。。。

心情始终没有办法真正平复。。。

虽然知道你现在真的应该过得很好。。。

虽然知道你也很想我们每一个都能过得好。。。

但是，真的很难。

很难，很难，很难。。。

不过。。。请你放心，安心的离开吧。。。去好好开始下一段旅程。。。不要留恋，也不要挂念。

我们都会好好的。。。你也要好好的。。。

你永远都会在我们的心里。。。我们爱你。

My Breakfast Mistake - McGriddles

2008-05-02T23:03:00.006+08:00

Its individual components sounded delightful enough - soft bread infused with maple syrup, and good ol' familiar sausage patty with egg and cheese.

In reality, it's a disastrous combo that ruined my breakfast.

Maple syrup is just wrong with sausage, egg and cheese.

Especially cheese.

To sum it up, McGriddles is the equivalent of tucking your sausage patty, egg and cheese between two slabs of soggy pancakes soaked with maple syrup.

One bite later, I was already wishing I had stuck to my usual order of Sausage McMuffin with Egg.

It's not just me - reviews online haven't been all that positive too.

I am thinking, it's not just my breakfast mistake...it might just be McDonald's as well.

Mafia pursued missing millions in Singapore

2008-04-13T02:14:00.014+08:00

Over the past week or so, I have been eagerly lapping up the thrill and suspense in each page of John Grisham's 1991 #1 New York Times Bestseller, The Firm (which became a hit movie in 1993, starring Tom Cruise).

In the process, I have grown to become really intrigued by the Mafia and FBI.

Cocooned in sterile Singapore, the Mafia, in particular, is similar to what 'terrorists' meant to me before 9/11. That is, unreal.

Here on our sunny (and safe) island, underworld activities seem to be nothing more than a handful of small-time gangs that go by monikers in a range of dialects or a combination of digits, whose activities don't affect the majority of us relatively clean-living, law-abiding ones. Even when the existence of considerably more organised gangs was revealed to us sometime ago when an 'execution-style' shooting resulted in the death of a man in his flat, the picture of the killer suggests that he's not one with a good sense of style, nor one who takes pride in his personal grooming.

Not exactly glam. Not exactly Mafia material.

So imagine my, er, pleasant surprise when I read in The New Paper that an infamous Australian Mafia boss had trooped down to our land in pursuit of missing millions.

How exciting!

The Straits Times today even published a picture of him and his two 'mates' (a more friendly term for henchmen?) in Shangri-La Hotel in Singapore.

The Mafia! Posing for a picture for our local newspapers!

I am a tad disappointed by their dressing, though. According to my research, our main man, Domenic "Mick" Gatto, is known for his sharp suits back in Down Under. Over here, the three of them were dressed in a rather dowdy manner.

Perhaps they had simply noted the way local men were dressed and had adjusted accordingly to appear less conspicuous. Perhaps.

And one other thing.

Despite coming 'up close' with the Mafia, they still strike me as unreal - the boss's remarks in the the newspapers sounded way too...contrived. And melodramatic.

In the end, it all seemed rather comical.

And why the hell were they giving interviews and posing for the press? Gawd...they are supposed to be shadowy figures who are heard but never seen.

But well, at least now I get to put a face to a Mafia boss.

Anyway, in Singapore, with the Mafia concept being so foreign and unreal, they are not likely to be much feared. And, we too have a powerful backer - the government.

APOLOGY: Dear Mr Domenic "Mick" Gatto, if you are reading this, please, do not take this to heart. And do not hunt me down. I do not have much money nor the means to be on the run. By the way, you looked real good in the picture I found online (see above), our local photographer did you no justice.

The New Paper: http://www.tnp.sg/news/story/0,4136,161791,00.html

TODAY: http://www.todayonline.com/articles/248026.asp

Wild Blueberries

2008-04-10T16:08:00.006+08:00

"Did you know that wild blueberries lie dormant for more than a year between growing seasons?", asked the copy at the back of a box of Post's Blueberry Morning Cereal.

Nope, I didn't know that.

But it is a very inspiring revelation...talk about food for thought.

So I plucked that box of cereal off the shelf at the supermarket and dropped it into my basket, even though I had really wanted the Banana Nut Crunch flavour.

Happiness is a solid morning jog and a healthy breakfast

2008-04-02T09:55:00.004+08:00

It's back to the running track bright and early this morning!

Or rather, I pounded the pavement around my alma mater, which has a 800-metre circumference. I did three rounds, which added up to a decent 2.4km jog.

It felt good to get the heart pumping hard again, but I will aim to do my jogging at around 6.30am the next time. The air was far from fresh this morning, thanks to the heavy morning traffic.

After the run, I headed home for a hearty and probably healthy breakfast...one which I had fantasized about since the night before:

4 slices of wholegrains toasts
2 slices of picnic ham
2 slices of garlic and herb cheese
1 glass of Post's Blueberry Cereal with 1 glass of fresh milk
1 glass of orange juice
1 Navel Orange

It was truly a lovely morning....*Burp*

Oops...excuse me ; )

Love at first bite

2008-03-31T18:31:00.009+08:00

I developed a new addiction recently...Navel Oranges from California.

I need to have at least 2 every day.

This excerpt from an online article will probably explain why I fell rather madly in love with this variety of oranges from the first time I sank my teeth into it:

"Californian Navels can also get very juicy and sweet and are considered by many to be the best oranges in the world. They have a meaty flesh, their thick rinds are easy to peel, the segments separate easily, and they have no seeds. All navel oranges have a navel at the blossom end - an opening with a convoluted interior that looks, well, like a navel. "

P.S. I get my supply of Sunkist Navel Oranges from the FairPrice Minimart at Esso Station near my place. It's probably available at full-size FairPrice supermarkets too. Apparently, the season for Navel Oranges is at its peak now, and will last till May.

My Funny Valentine

2008-03-25T02:39:00.008+08:00

I hated anything to do with mathematics since the day I knew how to count.

Or perhaps since the day I was tasked to memorise those damn timetables.

Or the day I did my first problem sum.

Or the day the I realised I would much prefer playing with words to figuring out what is X if 3X + 1 = 10.

(The answer is 3, by the way. Hurray. And in the unfortunate event I am wrong, do me a favour...don't tell me.)

So you can imagine my surprise (it was shock initially, but I got over that) when I find myself eagerly anticipating the opportunity to work in an extremely figures-intensive industry. It has now gotten to the point when I am enthusiastically soaking up all that I can find on this industry and the details of the work on the Internet, from financial news to transaction formulae and anything in between.

I confess that the initial attraction has everything to do with the monetary prospects.

But the start and progression of this attraction is really not unlike that of a love affair.

You deem a certain type of men as Mr No Ways based on your knowledge of your personality and preferences. And then one of those Mr No Ways appear at a point in your life when you are no longer certain of what you really want anymore, and it doesn't hurt that he look good too, so he becomes Mr Maybe. Soon, even though the initial attraction has been purely physical, he turns into Mr Very Nearly Right when you become genuinely intrigued by his character as you get to know him better...and when you discover that your definition of Mr No Way is archaic anyway, since your personality and preferences have changed quite a fair bit over the years without you consciously realising it.

Like all love affairs, I am not sure right now if I will have the opportunity to explore it further. And if I do, I can't be certain at this stage if it will turn out to be what I really want after all. But well, like all love affairs, you need to just get on with it and give it your best shot again and again and again, before you know if it will end in a split, or total bliss.

I am hoping hard I will at least have a chance to find out ; )

Handicapped Handphone

2008-03-22T01:34:00.008+08:00

Technically, my handphone is still working...but whether I can make or receive calls successfully depends a little on luck, and who/where I am calling.

Thanks to a very unfortunate slip of the hand, my Samsung U700 hit the ground from a 4cm-ish height (yea...just 4cm-ish) and it has been acting up since.

I can only hear the voice of the party on the other line if I slide out my keypad. And that is if I am lucky.

Plus, I can't hear anything at all when I dial any number that's a hotline...such as cab companies' numbers.

DAMN. DAMN. DAMN.

This is the 5th handphone in my life and the first time I actually damaged one.

DAMN. DAMN. DAMN.

And during a period when I need it most too, as I really need to remain easily contactable at this time.

DAMN. DAMN. DAMN.

Thankfully, a friend is going to lend me her spare phone for the time being...till...I don't know, either after I get it fixed or get another one. My spare phone is now my mum's and though she readily volunteered to pass it back to me, I have no intention of taking it back because there is no no no way I am going to allow her to get out of the house without a handphone...the worry of not being able to contact her when she's not back by a reasonable time each time she heads out will kill me faster than being handphone-less myself (she's not senile/irresponsible/'insensible' hahahaha...it's just me being an extreme worrywart).

A.R.R.R.R.R.R.R.R.G.H.

"여보세요"

2008-03-18T19:32:00.007+08:00

Apparently, that's "Hello" in Korean.

In case you are wondering if I am packing my bags for Korea,
the answer's no.

It's just that I am starting to think I had been a Korean woman in my past life.

Because I can't come up with any other explanation why I CRAVE KIMCHI THAT BADLY EVERY TIME IT'S THAT TIME OF THE MONTH!

(LOADS OF) FOOD FOR THOUGHT

2008-03-01T23:01:00.005+08:00

I love buffets.

But it's got nothing to do with my love for food...it has more to do with my love for variety.

Or rather, make that my greed for variety.

It's pure bliss to know that you can savour all kinds of cuisine and feast on any amount you like, and yet pay just one fixed price.

Sadly, these days, that blissful feeling tends to last only between the time of making that phone reservation to after the first few plates of food.

While hotel buffets have gone all designer decor and multi-station these days, their fare failed to impress.

At least, I can say that of The Line at Shangri-La and Carousel at Royal Plaza on Scotts.

The Line was ok, but for the kind of money one has to pay to dine there, I expected the food to be warm, if nothing else. But sadly, no such luck. And, service was pretty s-l-o-w.

As for Carousel, despite the many positive comments from friends and netizens, the standard of its fare really left much to be desired (though service was relatively swift and sharp).

It wasn't awful. It just simply wasn't good enough.

The seafood wasn't fresh enough, and the prawns were really overcooked.

The pasta prepared by a chef at the station upon my order was almost on par with those that I attempted to prepare on my own at home. Which is not good news.

And the desserts were either way too sweet or way too sour. Either way, I shuddered involuntarily in shock at first bites.

I heard Melt at Oriental Mandarin is not worth getting excited about too.

Anyway, I think I will stay off buffets for a little while. Pleasant or otherwise, I have already gotten the cravings for buffets out of my system with the two recent experiences at The Line and Cayrousel.

Or perhaps not. As I was typing the last sentence of the previous paragraph, an image of a Champagne Brunch session flashed before my eyes....me sipping bubbly and tucking into loads of brekkie/lunch fare in a sun-drenched dining hall over the
lovely late-morning-early-afternoon period.

Hmmm...now that's indeed food for thought.

I had read and heard some pretty good reviews of Champagne Brunches at Ritz Carlton and Beaufort Hotel (or some other hotel in Sentosa...I can't be certain which).

And in the event those reviews turn out to be disappointing again food-wise, at least I am sure the free-flowing bubbly from good labels will more than make up for it.

HMMMMMMMMMMMM...let me know if you are keen.

Counting my lucky stars

2008-02-16T03:38:00.007+08:00

This is one of those nights where I feel particularly emotional.

For no real reasons. Not that I could think of, anyway.

Except perhaps, it's that time of the month where hormones gleefully wreck havoc on my psyche. Or it could be the rose wine that my friend brought me as a gift when she passed by the duty-free shop on her way back to Singapore from Shanghai for a visit during the Lunar New Year.

But perhaps, that's putting it too simply.

Deep down, I know it's probably a cumulation of everything that's going on in my life recently.

Anyway, back to counting my lucky stars:

I am grateful for my destiny
I am grateful to be born into this family. Though there had and have been turbulence aplenty, but still, it's a normal family with its typical ups and downs (even though certain 'downs' had been pretty bad and lasted a long time). And at this age, I have gone through enough and am old and 'wise' enough to realise that I am extremely blessed, regardless of whether I compare myself to many others who went through worse. Though our family life is not as charmed as some friends', but it is good enough by the time I have arrived at this stage. And as for how good life for my family is going to be in the future, I know that's entirely up to me. Depending on how one sees it, it either puts the pressure on me, or it puts power in my hands. I choose to see it as the latter. It's empowering.

I am grateful to be my mum's daughter
Through her, I realise that a person's achievements in life needs not necessarily be measured by career success, material gains or the figure in the bank. In fact, some captains of industries might have less to be proud of than they thought. My mum doesn't really understand English, she was only educated up to Primary Six level in Malaysia, and that was back in those 1950/60s days. She is also not as savvy about the written and unwritten rules of socially/politically-correct conduct as I would like her to be when it comes to communications with others or public behaviour (though she is indeed trying and learning, as I am always on her case with a good deal of seemingly disrespectful chastising and eye-rolling, for her good...keke).

But she is strong like a rock. She keeps the family together. She probably have gone through more than I ever will in my entire lifetime. Yet she remained positive and strong throughout every tough period in the past, where some lasted for years with no end in sight, where she seemed to be the only one keeping everything together while things just kept falling apart. Instead of being jaded, cynical and beaten by life's trials, today, she is as keen as ever to offer a listening ear and advice to anyone in a spot of trouble, empathizing with them and encouraging them to face their issues bravely and look forward to better times. Those 'anyone in a spot of trouble' includes me too. I had been her strongest pillar of support during one of those tough periods which we went through as a family in earlier days (which I later realised through a newspaper article that I could sue her for a category of child abuse hahaha), but she is the one who continually gives me the vote of confidence and unconditional love and support in every way as I negotiate through life. I love her to bits because she fully deserves my love, and she loves me to bits too (it shows in a variety of big and little ways), probably because I fully deserve her love too hahaha.

Her zest for life has grown with age too. She has been going to English and Internet classes for a while now (though she has little result to show for it, keke), and she has been taking singing lessons for many years too (this she's quite good in). Not the karaoke, Teresa Teng type, but the soprano-ish type, almost like those of English opera. Some had passed remarks that she's wasting her time and money since it's not like she's going to get a job where she really needs to be fluent in English or be well-versed in Internet skills. And since she doesn't even like performing on stage, there's no point in her being so serious in her quest to sing well. But she just brushes it off. Because what matters to her is that she knows it makes her feel good to pursue interests that promote self-improvements and, most important of all, make her happy.

This trait of her has rubbed off on me too...the self-reminder to be confident and determined to not be easily affected nor ruled by what others think, simply because you know what you are doing and why you are doing that. Even if it won't yield significant or the 'right' results in the short-term - or ever, according to others. I am not only referring to her interest classes, but also to the way she dealt with certain tough issues in the past. She was faced with the pressure of much condemnation and a lot of those 'see, see, told her it wouldn't work' comments from an assortment of important and non-important characters back then, when the situation didn't improve or even worsen for a while. But she held on, because she knew what she was doing...even if others didn't see things her way. Though the line that separates confidence and foolhardiness/sturbborness is a thin and indistinct one, her decisions then were never about being foolhardy nor stubborn. She is always someone who will sincerely consider all opinion and feedback, and will think long and hard about each decision.

She is far from perfect, nor will she ever be anywhere near perfection. Just like me. But she loves me as I am, and I love love love her for who she is, and I am eternally grateful to the fact that I am so so so lucky enough to be her daughter.

Note: We scream and yell a great deal. But that's because we love each other too much, hahaha. The thing is, we recognise that's bad, and we both have been making a conscious effort to be more civilised and controlled in our mutual communications...hehehe.

I am grateful to have a nice number of really good friends
I may not be so marvellous at networking that I will bump into acquaintances at every turn or amass hundreds or thousands or ten of thousands of friends on Friendster or Facebook. But I am truly grateful that I have enough true friends to last me for a very long time, some perhaps forever. Friends, in the sense that we really understand and admire one another at a real personal level. Friends, where we know we can count on one another for quality company in good times (even when all we do is talk nonsense that isn't even funny), and emotional support in lousier ones.

A good number of these friends have been the balm to my frazzled soul in various ways in various stages of my life thus far.

Some have also been my most steadfast cheerleaders. In fact, I sometimes feel they have more faith in me than I do myself. It makes me seriously wonder if I have somehow misled them...hahaha.

Rosy as these friendships seem, misunderstandings and cold-wars etc will inadvertently rear their ugly heads every so often. But well, those are part of the package for all kinds of relationships, I guess. And when handled right, they draw us closer.

Anyway, as we 'age', most of us have learnt not to sweat the small stuff. Because we know they will lead to big blow-ups. Which will just lead to unnecessary 'heartache'. I think we have all become more grown-up now.

Oh shit. We are grown-ups.

I love my friends...hehehe ; )

*********************************************************

There are many more things in my life that I am grateful for...but now, sleep is beckoning.

Speaking of sleep, I will be grateful to enjoy a relatively dream-free rest tonight. My sleep had been interrupted by way too many stressful dreams lately...they included thriller, horror and action-packed sequences. If a dream-free state is too much to ask for, I would gladly settle for a more chick-flick kind of storyline too.

It would at least be better than waking up feeling all drained out from running around to solve mysteries, running away from ghosts or running on the top of covered walkways a la Jackie Chan.

Goodnight, and sweet dreams.

新年快乐！恭喜恭喜！

2008-02-07T15:26:00.000+08:00

门迎平安福户纳富贵春

May this brand new year bring new happiness for everyone!

Let's all look forward to a fresh start in life!

Cheers! ; )

Apologies

2008-02-02T19:20:00.000+08:00

A series of freelance work had resulted in a series a cancelled/missed appointments with a number of dear friends over the past weeks.

For that, I am truly deeply sorry. Especially since a couple of friends had actually took leave and reshuffled their work schedule in order to keep those appointments.

And another was due to head back to Perth for the long term.

Believe me, I would much prefer a eat-drink-make-merry session to a marathon work session anytime. However, work is work. There is no two ways about it. Full-time or freelance, I have a responsibility to deliver what I am tasked to do.

If you happened to be one of those unfortunate victims whom I bailed out on at the last minute recently, please accept my sincere apologies.

I am truly happy and honoured that I have friends who are keen to meet up with me hahaha...and I honestly did not choose work over you. It's just that I really didn't have a choice on those occasions.

Still, I am sorry...please forgive me : )

Dreams

2008-01-20T23:15:00.000+08:00

Dawn's To-Do List:

(1) Keep myself and my family in the pink of health via loads of healthy food/habits/naggings and regular full-body check-ups

(2) Take over the revenue-generation and finance departments of the household completely

(3) Give my flat an extreme facelift with drastic renovation works

(4) Take my parents on vacations to any country/place they like to visit

(5) Learn to be an even nicer me/daughter/grand-daughter/sister/niece/cousin/aunty/friend/neighbour/guardian of Winnie & Ron/whatever

(6) Learn to waltz, as well as to play classical piano and the guitar

(7) Learn to cultivate an obscenely obese bank account

So much to do...so little youth...

Death by chocolate

2008-01-19T22:04:00.000+08:00

I have just gobbled up half of a 15.5cm x 9cm (200g) Van Houten - Whole Fruit & Nuts chocolate bar in one sitting.

And instead of getting on a sugar high, I am feeling miserable.

I can't seem to get this overwhelming taste of chocolate out of my mouth. And there's this sickening sensation somewhere between my throat and my chest.

My lactose-intolerant stomach is not really getting along very well with all those milk cream too.

I need to offset this post-chocolate trauma with a big bag of savoury chips.

Bug-Eyed Bling Bling

2008-01-10T22:39:00.000+08:00

Went to the dentist today.

Was prescribed a dose of antibiotics and warned that allergy reactions might occur.

Got home, had dinner and took antibiotics.

Morphed into Bug-Eyed Bling Bling with multiple itchy-and-painful mozzie-bite-like swellings around both eyes.

ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH.

Hmmmmm...

2008-01-07T23:24:00.000+08:00

According to the observations of myself and some of the people around me, I am looking radiant these days. Not 'extremely' so,
but just good enough to inspire comments from others.

This is in sharp contrast to the days when the same group
of people 'accused' me of looking like the living dead.

However, I've been falling sick quite often recently. Nothing really major...just bouts and bouts of flu and assorted blocked/runny/
non-stop-sneezing nose issues, but I noticed those bouts of flu
made me feel worse than how flu typically made me feel in the past.

Right now, I am in the midst of one such potent bout of flu,
and I've been experiencing a general sense of malaise the entire day.

I expected myself to look like death warmed over. Yet, my mum just told me that I looked kinda radiant. And the mirror confirmed it.

I wonder why...

Here today, gone tomorrow

2008-01-05T00:47:00.000+08:00

I did not expect to start my first entry of 2008 on a sombre note.
Yet, the sudden demise of a local artiste set off a good load of serious thoughts about life and the unpredictability of it all.

MC King, a well-known comedian in Singapore, passed away early this afternoon (4 Jan) in the hospital after experiencing breathing difficulties at home in the morning.

It was not known if he had been suffering from any medical condition, but according to news reports, his co-workers and friends had always had the idea that he was perfectly healthy, though he had always been on the heavy side.

A day before his passing, a friend of mine had just bumped into him at a carpark. He was well and alive then, and yet, a day later, he's gone.

It's scary how fragile and unpredictable life is.

We all know the saying, "Live everyday as if it's your last, because one day, it will be". It's a very wise saying that's meant to urge us to appreciate each and every day because life is extremely unpredictable by nature...it's not meant to encourage us to live in constant paranoia that we are going to die in the next 24 hours. And as I progress in life and lived through more experiences, this saying is starting to etch deeper and deeper into my consciousness.

I guess to me, at this stage, the joy or regrets of living to a ripe old age or dying before my time has little to do with what I have managed to achieve for myself in this lifetime up until my expiry date, but more to do with what I have managed to do for my parents. Upon his demise, MC King left behind his mum. It's not hard to imagine the kind of emotional turmoil she must be going through now...and most likely for a long time to come. I hope he had done well to shower his mum with love and concern and had taken good care of her in every way all these time - so that he would be able to leave her with fond memories, and for himself, leave with less regrets.

For the rest of us, I guess it's time we take stock of our lives, count our blessings, and learn to be really, really, really appreciative and grateful that regardless of the sort of challenges we are up against now, we are at least alive and healthy. We have to recognise that as long as we are alive and healthy, we have no real problems at all.

************************************

I did not manage to accomplish any of my resolutions last year. However, that's not going to stop me from putting together a list of resolutions this year.

Some of my friends do not believe in making resolutions. But I value resolutions - the importance do not really lie in me sticking to them and actualising them. The importance lies in me taking stock of my life at the end of a year and evaluating the areas that need improving. Didn't some wise man say something along the line of "Knowing your enemies is half the battle won?" Most times, the toughest enemies are ourselves.

We can make resolutions any time of the year, of course. But I suppose the ending and starting points of a year will help to turbo-charge our drive for changes in ourselves.

After all, it's unrealistic to expect a better new year if we continue to live in the same old way, with the same-old self-defeating thoughts and actions.

************************************

Life's unpredictable...but while we still possess relatively good health and a heart that's still beating, let's resolve to make the best of it.

I hope I can at least stick to this particular resolution in 2008... ; )

Dawn is back

2007-12-20T01:27:00.000+08:00

I finally had a haircut.

I was due to travel by coach to KL for a speed-trip (we went on Sunday morning and was due to return on Monday afternoon) with a friend, and I was determined that my caveman-ish hair should not get in the way (it's tough to lie back comfortably on a coach seat for
5 hours straight with a fat ponytail and a cap).

Thus, the night before the trip, I trooped down to Suntec City for some shearing action by a trusted hairstylist. And I literally felt a weight lifted off me the moment he unceremoniously lopped off a huge chunk of my hair.

I said 'unceremoniously' because seconds after we agreed on how short my new hairstyle should be, he abruptly grabbed my chest-length hair and chopped it all off to chin-lenth in one swift move, without warning, before proceeding to discard those hair into a dustbin. He's lucky I am not one of those girls who develop a love affair with their long hair and need to be mentally prepared and say a proper farewell before those prized hair are gone...or he would have a bawling nutcase in his salon.

The new hairstyle is choppy around the crown area and just long enough to be pulled back into a ultra-short ponytail at the back with the help of some bobby pins.

P.S. My friend took one look at my new hairstyle and exclaimed, "Dawn is back!" I used to sport short-cropped hair which was similar to that that for many years...sans the ponytail.
After experimenting with various forms of medium- to long-hair in the past 2 years, I guess I still feel most like myself in short, choppy styles. Like how my friend put it, "It's very Dawn".

Why

2007-12-15T00:42:00.000+08:00

There were some bad news recently...bad news that sent our hearts plummeting down to the pits again after a short period of
near-normalcy.

I don't feel like going into the details (neither do I have the energy
to do so), but the basic situation is, we had been lulled by initial triumphs into thinking that my aunt's battle with cancer is going to be one easy-enough victory...we had forgotten how unpredictable and volatile the enemy could be.

Waking up to that fact after all those hopeful times is tough.

But we are still going to remain hopeful.

Sometimes, it feels like my brand of optimism in this situation is supported solely by hopes and hopes alone, and not by any facts or figures.

But what good will a gloomy face and heavy heart achieve?

Thus, hopeful we shall be...though it is not always going to be easy.

We will all try.

祝你生日快乐

2007-12-10T21:48:00.000+08:00

致：一直莫名影响着我的你

很高兴知道你的事业正处于如日中天的阶段。

希望在接下来的日子里，你能继续在你生命中的各个环节得到你所要的一切。。。不过我想，以你那过人的智慧和待人接物的本领，那绝对不是问题。

无论如何，最重要的是，祝你一直快乐，一直健康！; )

三千烦恼丝

2007-12-10T17:16:00.000+08:00

I am desperately in need of a haircut.

It's been way more than a year since my ass had warmed a salon seat, and I am starting to resemble a caveman.

Not that anyone can tell though, since I keep my hair tied up nearly 100% of the time...sometimes even when I sleep.

Even my mum was stunned to realise the real length of my hair when she was greeted by a long-haired me after I had just rose from bed one morning.

Anyway, I have decided to transform my hair into a choppy style that extends just slightly below the chin...short enough not to irritate the hell out of me whenever I shampoo my hair, yet long enough to offer flexible styling - or at least, to be tied up into a 'messy' ponytail with the assistance of some bobby pins.

Now, the task at hand is to figure out the exact style that I have in mind, gather up reference pictures and muster up enough courage to troop down to the salon.

Courage is required because, as all girls who had went through the trauma of a bad haircut at least once in their lives would know, sometimes, all it takes is a wrong snip here and an extra snip there, and your life is over before you know it.

Wish me luck.

Chalet

2007-12-07T21:33:00.000+08:00

The Sixsome is all set to imbibe a serious amount of beer and ingest loads of sinful BBQ-ed food at Downtown East on 28 to 29 Dec.

Or rather, The Fivesome - since Dear Paul is skipping it
in the name of work.

Anyway, it's gonna be the slightly belated birthday celebration
for My Love.

The last time the same Fivesome congregated and bonded over bottles of red wine and cheese, a very interesting topic came up and we ended up having a really introspective call-out session on speakerphone with Dear Paul (who, as usual, wasn't with us).

I wonder if beer and BBQ-ed food would loosen us up
the same hilarious way...or if I should bring on the wine again.

Anyway, I believe this little "getaway" from the hustle and bustle of our daily lives would be good for all of us. Seeing that a holiday out of Singapore together is not possible, a full day and night of supermarketing (for the beer and food), lounging, BBQ-ing,
beer-gurgling and nonsensical bantering would have to do.

Since I've never been to the Downtown East chalet, I just hope
it will be nice, clean and spacious enough for us to roll around in
when we are nicely inebriated ; )

********************************************************

Speaking of being nicely inebriated, I think The Sixsome are progressively finding it harder and harder to reach that state.
Recent outings had shown that we were getting very proficient in venturing from Stage Zero straight to Stage ZZZ in a matter of
a few mild and absolutely harmless drinks.

Age is catching up with us.

Basking in happiness

2007-11-19T21:40:00.000+08:00

There's quite a bit to be happy about recently.

My best friend a.k.a. 死贱货finally said "I Do" last Saturday, and I can tell the hubby loves her loads. After wandering from relationship to relationship through the years, she has now found someone she feels she's ready to welcome into her life permanently. At the risk of sounding maudlin, this marriage so warms my heart.

The next happy issue: My fave aunt is responding exceptionally well to her chemotherapy treatments. And she's feeling good and healthy enough to go about her daily life normally, and has even resumed her freelance hairdressing work at home. She has also put on 3kg ever since. This scenario is a far cry from a few months ago when she suddenly became so thin and frail and could barely ingest anything, not even liquid diet. We were so depressed and worried about her condition then and there were so many sleepless nights. Those days were marked by tears and fears. Thankfully, everything is looking up now.

As for myself, I just need to figure out just where exactly I want to take my career next and I will be really happy. For the last nearly 7 years, I was able to work through nights and immense stress just to do as best a job I can with each and every project simply because I knew my goals. I am not used to living without specific career goals. It scares me. However, it makes my mum and my aunts very happy to learn that I am seriously considering switching career haha. They don't care what I do next, as long as it doesn't require me to work my brain 24/7 and have late nights. I know I am lucky to have such supportive family...people who only want me to be well and healthy even at the risk of earning much less. Even though we have plenty of disagreements and even fierce arguments sometimes, I know that these are people who truly love me and care about me and, for that, I am feeling truly blessed.

***************************************************

My friends and I had been counting our respective lucky stars recently, and we realised that despite the many ups and downs in our lives, despite the occasional pool of shit that we fell into sometimes, we really do have a pretty nice life and plenty to be grateful about after all.

And one of those things to be grateful about is our friendship. Over the years, we had all went through different types of drama (of varying degree in intensity) in our individual lives. And we had helped to see one another through those episodes. Sometimes, it's just a matter of being there to listen, to offer support and encouragement to whoever's in 'trouble'. Other times, it involved more. I know people who have a wide network of friends but yet do not have anyone that they can count on to be there for them in trying times, or simply, a friend whom they can share their more private thoughts with.

Thus, we do know that we are really lucky to have one another - when we really need to sob our hearts out (which is hardly...cos none of us are crybabies and we all have pretty strong characters), we know where to find those supportive shoulders. And when we have reasons to jump for joy, we know there are people who will be really pleased for us.

***************************************************

I can't say I am 100% happy right now, for that are still stuff that I am worrying over, things that I need to get sorted out, issues that I wish do not exist and so on. But that's life. It can never be perfect. And that's probably what make us grow wiser and stronger too, as we make our best attempts to get over the obstacles. Life is more interesting that way, anyway.

I am gonna hit the bed and think happy thoughts now! Night! : )

Project Redemption: Progress Report

2007-11-07T22:00:00.000+08:00

I've been making conscious efforts to shower and crawl into bed as early as possible.

It's got to a point where "Oh shit" will reverberate in my head if bed-time happens at 12am instead of my ideal of 10pm (though the earliest I've managed so far is 10.45pm).

Discipline aside, this is a marked improvement in mindset as I used to go to bed at any time between 3am - 7am, even if I was not bogged down by work, and did not find it an issue at all.

I've also been making conscious efforts to wake up early for a good breakfast.

By early, I mean 7 - 9am. And by good breakfast, I refer to the intensely healthy food that my mum serves up on a daily basis.

One of such is sandwiches with eggs-cum-melted-cheese spread, along with home-grown beansprouts and bean-sprout leaves, a generous splash of some mixed-bran granules and grounded black sesame, a whole chopped tomato, and a sprinkling of black pepper. The breakfast will usually be paired to a mug of Ensure (vanilla flavoured food supplement drink...it comes with loads of vitamins and minerals and such) and it will be concluded with a pear or apple.

Veggies and fish feature heavily in my lunch and dinner as well. And because I am trying hard to fatten up, I am now eating 2 - 4 full bowls of rice per meal. I know this might not be the healthiest way to put on weight but I can't think of any more effective way to do it. Any suggestion?

As for my A-Jog-A-Day programme...it's not really running as smoothly as I would like it to...yet. But trust me, I will work on it.

Oh, another thing, I have also been faithfully downing homegrown wheatgrass every night. It is intensely vile stuff, but it is intensely beneficial for health. I have been drinking it nightly for a while now, but even after all these time, I still find it as vile as ever.

Now, one last note before I call it a night...I loooooooooove my mum!!! Even if I were to end up disgustingly stinky rich one day, I will still insist that being my mum's daughter is the best thing that happened to me in this lifetime! ; )

Project Redemption

2007-11-01T20:43:00.000+08:00

It's official - I've embarked on a healthy lifestyle campaign.

I've been reading up on plenty of health-related articles online and I'm freaked out by the m-a-n-y ways our health can go wrong as a result of seemingly harmless enough habits.

For the past 7 years, I've been working my ass off to get better at what I do at work, as well as to meet all the merciless deadlines. Going without a second's shut-eye for over 30 hours at a stretch was common. Going without food for more than 24 hours (due to stress and lack of energy to get food while stuck in the office over weekends) was common. Add to that the vices of my personal lifestyle over the years, I am really more than a teeny bit worried about what all that had done to my health.

My fave aunt's recent cancer relapse did not help too.

Thus, I have resolved to change my lifestyle and dietary habits from now on.

I used to turn up my nose when some friends talked about healthy living. In those foolish days, healthy living seemed like a completely good waste of life (yes, I was that foolish). I had believed that I was much too young to be concerned with healthy living.

It also never really crossed my mind that I was doing my liver, kidney, bone marrow, and who knows what else, a whole lot of injustice and harm whenever I worked through one stressful night after another. I thought burning the midnight oil to get a job done well was simply a matter of discipline and a mind over body issue. And I thought indulging in long nights out everytime I had a chance to was a good way to relieve stress and to reward myself for hard days' work. Gawd, I can't believe how I could have been so foolish.

So anyway, it's high time to make up to my health for all the wrongs I had done it in the past. I'm very particular about my dietary habits now and I am going to cut out or at least cut down on all the unhealthy (but sadly, delectable) stuff that I used to enjoy, such as fermented bean curd, potato chips, soft drinks etc. I'm not saying that I will deny myself those food for the rest of my life, but I am just going to make sure that they are consumed in moderation, and only occasionally.

I am also making it a point to be asleep by 12am at the latest every night, preferably even earlier.

And I've started my A-Jog-A-Day programme! I felt so good after going on that first 2.4km run of my programme! The run was not only good for health, but it also lifted my mood considerably! As I was cooling down after the run, I took deep gulps of the fresh morning air and also took in my surrounding - the bright early morning sun, the merry chirping of the birds...it was such a lovely experience.

These pictures of a sweaty and stinky me marked the completion of the first run of my A-Jog-A-Day programme:

By the way, I just heard on the news that the latest studies had proven once and for all that cancer is caused by prolonged period of unhealthy lifestyle and habits, and not due to sudden traumas etc. Fresh fruits, veggies and brans are also indeed excellent for fending off cancers. On the other hand, red meat, dairy products and food high in fat content should be taken in moderation.

Apart from the first bits about "prolonged period of unhealthy lifestyle and habits VS sudden traumas", the rest all sound like common sense, I know. But speaking from personal experience, it seems like we all sometimes choose to ignore common sense.

Here's another interesting result the studied yield: Taller people are more prone to cancers.

That would be the second reason to be pleased about my height, then. The first reason is that my height is good for hanging out the laundry, as it is much harder for me to fall over the parapet.

Alright, I am calling it a night now...my bed is beckoning.

生日快乐 Part II

2007-10-22T18:43:00.000+08:00

庆生过后，在房间里拍的闷骚照。。。

生日快乐

2007-10-22T15:26:00.000+08:00

生日当天接到了一个让我心情跌倒谷底的消息，原本很想取消当晚的庆生约会，但是最后还是没那么做。一来，是因为Sixsome一早就已经特地安排好把那个星期五留给我，所以临时取消会很扫兴。二来，我认为或许我们Sixsome到外头吃吃喝喝，聊些有的没的，可以暂时扫走心中的那堆愁云惨雾。

果然，在一片无厘头的玩玩闹闹中，加上酒精的麻醉力，心情的确好很多。。。甚至会有好几十分钟的时间完全忘记了有烦恼。

我的生日愿望一定会成真，明年的生日也一定会收到我最想收到的礼物！

很不快乐的生日

2007-10-19T14:28:00.000+08:00

妈妈刚刚告诉我，医生说，即使靠打针，阿姨也只有大概5个月的时间。

而如果因为C-型肝炎的关系不能接受打针，那就得放弃治疗，只能服用止痛药。

现在，我们最后一线希望就完完全全寄托在曾在25年前从鬼门关把我阿姨拉回来的草药，“老鼠芋”。

虽然说是还有最后一线希望，而奇迹也的确有可能出现 (就像25年前一样)，但是，该准备的还是得准备的。。。比如说，需要阿姨大概整理并交代好一些事情。

我知道如果我姐姐听见大家谈论这件事，一定会很生气也不能够谅解这样的做法。但是，我姐姐从来就不是理性派。

这个时候，其实大家都需要多一点的理性，才能够给予阿姨真正最大的精神上和实际上的帮助和支持。

阿姨需要的不是我们的脆弱或眼泪。我们越冷静，越坚强，越理智，对阿姨就越好。

至少，在阿姨面前需要那样。

离开了阿姨的视线和听觉范围，哭得多大声都可以。

但是，哭完后还是得让自己冷静，这样才能保持清晰的脑袋来好好的想想该怎么照顾阿姨，怎么开解她。

阿姨现在需要从我们身上得到斗下去的信心和力量。我们又怎么可以显得比阿姨还沮丧呢？

********************************************

今年过农历新年时大家明明都好好的。

为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么会这样？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！

我不要这样。

我从小就对阿姨说以后她老了我会养她。。。她现在还不够老！

********************************************

明年生日最想收到的礼物，就是阿姨已经彻彻底底地战胜了病魔的医生报告，并且过着非常健康快乐的日子。还有，自己和所有的家人和好朋友们也一样的平安，健康，快乐。

人生这么无常，我还能相信什么？

The Number Game

2007-10-15T19:46:00.000+08:00

After a hiatus of 6 years, in just 4 days, I'll be another year older on a Friday once more.

The last time my birthday fell on a Friday, I had turned 21.

This time round, I will be just 3 years short of the big 3-0.

Shudder.

I feel like someone had knocked me out cold the night after I blew out my candles 6 years ago, and suddenly, I am now waking up to an older-but-not-necessarily-wiser me.

Wouldn't it be rather nice if life comes with a RESET button and each one of us were born with the right to press the button at least once at any point in our life after the age of, say, 25? When we would probably have accumulated enough silly mistakes and are wise enough to realise (and regret) it?

It would be even better if we can decide on which age and period in our life to return to for that fresh start - I most certainly have no wish to experience PSLE, O'Levels and all the assorted tests and examinations in Poly all over again.

More importantly, we must be able to retain our current "insights" even after our lives are reset, thus ensuring that we do not go down the same old road and repeat the same old "mistakes".

If I could choose, I would return to Year 2000...that would give me 10 long years to get everything in my life on track before I turn 30 (backed by the "insights" I accumulated by now), instead of the 3 years that now remain.

Ooooh...that would be sooooooo wonderful!!! ; )

P.S. I can still remember most of the details of my 21st birthday vividly...from the preparations leading up to the day, to having to purchase a few 寿桃 from Hang Kang Teochew Restaurant on the day itself for a photoshoot for WORK, to staying late in the office while a whole bunch of friends and my sister waited patiently for me for at least 2 hours at the cafe, to a surprise cake and "Happy Birthday" rendition from my then-bosses and then-colleagues...etc etc etc... I can also remember how I celebrated my 22nd, 23rd, 24th, 25th and 26th birthdays...and now, here I am...nearly staring at my 27th in the face.

P.P.S. I am not complaining about turning a year older. I am damn g-r-a-t-e-f-u-l for that...it means I am healthy and well. I am not concerned about growing older (read: ageing); I am more concerned about not growing wiser and more...enlightened..

P.P.P.S. Ok ok yea I confess I do worry occasionally about turning all wrinkly later on in life and other equally vile stuff...but...believe me, I do fret more about other bigger, more important issues of life - such as whether I can afford Botox when the time comes.

P.P.P.P.S. Just kidding. Seriously.

Project Spring-Cleaning (of the room, the soul and my life)

2007-10-12T01:30:00.000+08:00

My whimsical boudoir is in desperate need of a solid mess-and-dirt elimination session.

But though the mind is willing, the flesh is w-e-a-k.

I can't quite seem to muster up enough energy to go through the whole dust-wiping, stuff-straightening, fan-cleaning, sweeping and mopping routine.

It just seems so daunting - although I know if I can just get down to it, it will not be that monumental a task; it's only a room, after all.

This afternoon, I had already tackled some of the more major tasks...
I had laundered my sheets and the curtains and hung them up to dry. And just before this posting, I had thrown out some magazines that
no longer have any value to me (read: no articles or fashion/hairstyle/
make-up pictures that can serve as future reference).

Now, at this precise moment, I am wondering if I should head off to
a nice shower and jump into my sheet-less bed to catch some sleep,
or continue to restore my room to its usual near-pristine state so that
I can wake up to a renewed zest for life.

And yes, you read it right - I just equated a clean and neat room with my zest for life. I really do not know how I can go about making this make sense, but one way to explain it is that a refreshed room often means a refreshed state of mind for me. When my room is in a mess and I allow it to stay that way, from experience, it will mean I'll allow other aspects of my life to slip too. And once I can make myself go through the whole process of straightening my room, my spirit will feel brand new all of a sudden, and I'll want to get to work straightening
my life as well.

It's not a theory...it's just the way it is with me.

Oki, that's it for now.

I gotta get back to deciding if I should go to bed or continue to clean up my room and mind.

致：线人一号

2007-10-10T13:24:00.000+08:00

感谢你提供了非常有利的情报。有机会一定请你吃Fresh Fishie Fishie Sashimi!

还有一件事。。。我记得我对你的称呼一直都是
“妹妹”(不是“Ah Pui”)。。。对你姐则是
“Ah Dear"。

而你们俩也一直都称呼我“小姐姐”。。。

习惯是很难改的，而这个称呼其实也超超超亲切和
“有味道”，因为它代表着童年的岁月和回忆。。。
但问题是，如果如今我们通电话或是终于碰头时，
你们还高呼我“小姐姐”，会不会。。。怪怪的？

哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈。。。

其实还蛮想试试看，毕竟已经好-多-年没听过了，
可以重温旧梦！

我们很快就会重逢，ok! 要给我一点时间好好保养保养一下，做多几次masks, 还有再设计一个够劲够年轻的造型，那当我和你们这些青春无敌的家伙走在街上时，才不会一直觉得我-的-青-春-小-鸟-一-去-不-回-来！

Fishie, Fishie, are you reading this?

2007-10-09T23:10:00.000+08:00

Hi Fishie,

I'll certainly send your regards to 五姨!

There's only one teeny problem, though...I'll need to know the name you go by in the real world. And I guess it's pretty safe to say it's certainly not Fishie... ; )

Without a doubt, you must be someone who has a pretty good knowledge of my basic family tree...like a relative or an ex-neighbour. But who exactly are you? I've some ideas, but I like to know for sure. Do, do, do enlighten me! Thank you!

XOXO,
Dawn

P.S. I did try to get an answer by visiting your two blogs. But one was a group blog and the other directed me to Yahoo's homepage instead...

求佛祖保佑。。。

2007-10-09T00:23:00.000+08:00

最近越来越感觉到人生的无常和无奈。

一位看着我长大(也一直疼着我长大)的阿姨前些日子被诊断出患上癌症。至于是什么癌症，到目前为止还有待进一步检查。

阿姨在大约25年前曾得过一次淋巴癌，而当时痊愈以后健康也一直相当好，从来就没什么大问题。。。直到现在。

雪上加霜的是，阿姨最近也有很严重的胃酸问题。。。发作时，能把胃给“烧”得从内痛到外，连洗澡时从莲蓬头打下来的水打在胃部附近的皮肤时也会痛不欲生。晚上即使睡着了，也会每隔两，三个小时就痛醒。

因为胃酸过多的问题，阿姨连正常进食都不行。只能每个小时都塞一小片面包或饼干以垫一垫胃。即使现在情况有稍微好转，吃饭时，也顶多能吃四五口饭。而能吃的食物种类也不多，因为她的胃实在太不太能消化东西也太脆弱了。。。就连很普通的葡萄糖也会引起胃酸过度分泌。

也因为这样，阿姨的身子变得很虚弱，精神也很差。

身体已经够难受的了，脑子里还会不由自主地一直担心病情和即将得去面对的漫长康复之路。。。真的很令人心疼。

在医生还没透露有把握是癌症时，胃酸问题也没把她折腾的那么辛苦时，阿姨还能相当坚强。她也告诉我们她一直都是一个很坚强的人，所以不用担心她。我从来没有质疑过她的坚强，但是，当一个人必须得去面对一条那么难走的路时，脆弱绝对是正常的。

阿姨其实也一直为了另一件事心烦。。。她很不愿意看见她身边的人因为她的事而伤心，烦恼。尤其是我另外一位和她同住了差不多二十年的阿姨。因为两个人一直同住在一起那么多年的关系，所以感情也很自然的比和其他兄弟姐妹来的深厚。这段期间，这位阿姨也非常用心地照顾着生病了的阿姨，也非常心疼她。看这她们俩彼此心疼和担心对方。。。更难受。

这几个星期以来，妈妈，姐姐和其他阿姨们也都一直轮流到医院和阿姨家里陪伴和照顾她。至于我，则暂时被下令不准靠近阿姨的范围，只能和她通电话，因为我的鼻子不听话，一直打喷嚏和流鼻涕，有如一台流动细菌机器。一旦鼻子恢复正常，我也会加入陪伴和照顾阿姨的行列。

现在，也真的只能每天早晚两次很诚恳地请求佛祖保佑阿姨能够遇上一位医术非常高明又有责任感的好医生，给于她非常及时和正确的诊断和非常及时和正确的治疗。还有保佑阿姨胃酸的问题能够得到很好的控制，至少让她在接受治疗的过程中能够健壮一些，不至于那么辛苦。还有还有，保佑阿姨能够更坚强，更乐观，更积极地和病魔抗战到底。。。打一场非常漂亮的胜仗！

祝阿姨从此以后能够一直健健康康，平平安安，快快乐乐地好好生活！！！

求佛祖保佑！！！

In loving memory of Monster Tan : : 24 September 1994 to 3 October 2007

2007-10-03T23:41:00.001+08:00

Today's the day Monster the Cocker leaves her long-time owner/companion, Lyonne, for the inevitable journey to Doggie Heaven.

However, her intelligence, graceful demeanour, beauty, and most of all, her obvious adoration of Lyonne, will stay with me forever.

I will also always remember the joy and relief she brought us whenever she's on Dog Therapy Duty at the office...where she patiently tolerated countless requests from us silly (and stressed out) humans to perform "Paw Paw", "Roll Over", "Spin" and such.

While I am writing all these, I guess Monster is likely to be flying
first-class on the doggie plane to Doggie Heaven. In fact, she's probably sipping sparkling mineral water from a crystal bowl right now, served up by a suave Jack Russell air steward.

I will miss you so much, Monster...

Even though I was aware that you were probably already pushing the limit of the typical life expectancy all these while, I did not really think that you would be gone so soon.

Wherever you may be now, I hope you will realise just how wonderful a doggie you had been...and how much love and joy you had helped to spread around.

We all love you, Monster~~~!!!

HDB Flats = Swanky Apartments?

2007-10-01T16:08:00.000+08:00

With the advent of sleeker exterior structures and well-planned interior layouts, and a growing numbers of young families which appreciate design in general as well as the services of interior designers, HDB living has managed to shook off quite a bit of its poorer-cousin-of-private-housing image for a number of years now.

In fact, today, it is entirely possible to fashion a perfectly chic apartment out of a typical HDB flat, be it old or new, so long as one has a generous-enough renovation budget and a good sense of style - or the assistance of a brilliant interior designer and contractor.

And it is all going to get even better in a few years' time.

At the National Day Rally this year, Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong had unveiled plans to transform new, middle-aged and old HDB estates into more vibrant homes for Singaporeans.

After reading a report on one of the projects in this "Remaking Our Heartland" endeavour in last Saturday's papers, it seems to me that "vibrant homes" is an understatement..."swanky apartments" is probably a more fitting description.

In about 3 to 4 years' time, work is going to commence on "Dawson Estate", which will be located in Queenstown, one of Singapore's more matured housing estates.

Three top home-grown architect firms were commissioned to to conceptualise three separate precincts for this new estate; an unprecedented move in the history of HDB.

The results? Flats done condo-style and very nearly every bit as sophisticated and sleek as their richer cousins, from the facades to the interior structures.

Some of the flats designed by SCDA Architects, one of the three firms involved in the Dawson Estate project, will feature tall ceilings with space for lofts - and gorgeous floor-to-ceiling windows, of course (see "artist's impression" below).

It is really pretty exhilarating to imagine that one day, many years down the down, whenever "HDB flats" are mentioned, our minds would automatically visualise an image like the ones above, instead of the "typical HDB flats" that most of us grew up in. (That doesn't mean I am not grateful and appreciative of the public housing that we get to enjoy all these years throughout our nation-building history - it has been great all these time, it's just that I am thrilled it is going to be even better than great in time to come.)

In fact, I wouldn't be surprised at all if the government decided to come up with a snazzier replacement name for "HDB" to go with this new era in public housing for Singapore.

I can't wait to see all these changes taking shape. The only downer is, as it will be a few years before work will even commence on the first of these new flats, and many more years following that before they become a regular part of the Singapore lifestyle instead of a novelty,
I will practically be an ancient old lady by then.

Will "Anonymous" please stand up?

2007-09-30T17:25:00.001+08:00

Sometimes, I think people around me have more faith in me than me myself.

I wonder if I could call that blind faith?

After all, they don't know me and my weaknesses as well as I do.

Wahahahahahaha...

Anyway, it really made my day to receive a rather inspiring comment from "Anonymous" on my last posting.

"Anonymous said... You may think about it, but don't dwell on it. You are still young, and as far as I know, very talented in what you do. Keep it up, and find a place where you can shine, and who knows, you can be famous one day."

A booster like that is most welcome any time!

From the sound of it, we seem to know each other pretty well, Anonymous. Though, hahaha, you kind of made me sound like I am aiming to be a "Zhang Ziyi" or "Stefanie Sun"....which couldn't be further from reality.

Anyway, I guess it must be a mistake (or laziness on your part?) that you ended up as "Anonymous" when posting that comment?

So come on, kindly enlighten me on your identity so I can give buy you a coffee or something the next time we meet...while I try to make you tell me more nice things about myself.

Till then!

我怀念的。。。

2007-09-27T22:58:00.000+08:00

七年前的今天必没有发生什么了不起的大事。

但这个日子，似乎已经被深深地刻在我的脑海里。

一直以来，9月27日总是会让我缅怀和莫一个人的一场交集。

可是到了今天，这个日子只是让我想起这一路上的自己。

如果时光真的能够倒流，若我能够回到2000年从新出发，今天的我，会是怎样的我？

To sum it up...

2007-09-22T23:40:00.000+08:00

Life's been busy.

My mind's been wandering.

I am probably going a little crazy.

But otherwise, everything's reasonably dandy.

New Toy

2007-08-23T00:31:00.000+08:00

After a decent amount of long and hard thinking (5 days - and another painful 30 minutes outside the Starhub shop at Cuppage), I finally made myself the deliriously happy owner of the Samsung Ultra Edition II U700.

Having gone through a few 'bimbotic' phones that prided form over function in my years as a mobile phone user, I now own a phone that's not only supremely chic and sleek, but which also boasts just enough high-tech trappings to silence most tech snobs.

Presenting, my little bundle of joy..

*MUACKS*

I Heart Singapore

2007-08-20T16:52:00.001+08:00

Catching the National Day Parades on TV has always been a private affair that takes place in my room with no other person around but me and myself.

It has to be so for it can be embarrasing and awkward for all involved if I were to catch it with anyone else.

You see, I always, always, always sob uncontrollably (tears of pride) the moment those familiar and 'traditional' NDP songs come on, such as We Are Singapore.

I will sing along and take the pledge with gusto too.

And when the fireworks start, I will face the direction of my window and do a mouth-splitting silent scream of "Happy Birthday, Singapore!".

I know I probably sound like a real nutcase to you by now, but I am absolutely proud of Singapore and what she has managed to achieve at a such a young age (for a country). Especially when we started off 42 years ago on such shaky grounds.

More than that, I am truly grateful to be reaping the benefits of her achievements. And I am always amazed at my good fortune to be born a Singaporean.

However, I do know plenty of Singaporeans who have tons of bones to pick with the government and the way the country is being managed.

In fact, I have my fair share of dissatisfactions at times too.

Still, let's look at the big picture. Thanks to the never-let-up efforts of the government, we get to grow up - and continue to build our lives - in a society that is not only safe and stable, but also full of promise. One where the vast majority of the citizens never have to worry about not having a roof over their heads, about going hungry, or the ability to secure an education of up to tertiary level for themselves or their offsprings.

That's provided that we also take personal responsibility for managing our life, career and finance well, of course.

Which brings me to another issue - there are just too many Singaporeans out there who cry that they detest living in a nanny state. And yet, they are also the ones who are quick to kick up a big fuss whenever they encounter a situation in their lives that they think can be prevented or resolved if only the government would throw them a lifeline in the form of a government policy.

Now, the point is, Singapore is not perfect, nor will it ever be. No country will ever be perfect. Just like you and me.

And more importantly, a country will never be perfect because it can never please everybody at the same time. Along the way, certain unpleasant or unpopular decisions will have to be made in view of the long-term effects. It's just the way things got to be done sometimes - for the sake of greater good. While we only see how a certain policy is going to affect us right here right now, the people responsible for running the country are likely to have considered its possible positive effects up to a few decades ahead. While we only see what a certain policy will mean to our respective lifestyles, the policy-makers need to think in terms of an entire nation.

Of course, I am not suggesting that we should all flash serene smiles instead of pouting and stamping our feet each time we are reminded of the extra dollars and cents we now need to fork out for our purchases thanks to the increase in GST. In fact, occasionally, some issues can even irk me enough to spew a good amount of obscenities. Though I can see reason, I am still not saintly enough (and will never be) to not curse and swear a fair bit when my life is affected.

Yet, yet, yet...at the end of the day, I am still extremely proud and grateful to be a Singaporean.

Once upon a time, serious doubts were cast on Singapore's ability to be independent. However, she has made it to see the day when foreign governments are eager to tap into her experience and expertise in transforming and managing a country.

In some ways, I find the struggles and success of Singapore highly inspirational to me in a personal manner.

She was caught in bad circumstances with the odds stacked against her, and there did not seem to be much that she could use as leverage to launch herself out of the trench. But with careful planning, some bold strategic moves and loads of determination, she did it, and she continues to consistently ready herself to take on new challenges in an everchanging world.

As Singaporeans, we are blessed with the kind of security and stability that serves as an ideal canvas for our personal aspirations. The kind that many in other countries can only dream of.

It's high time we realised just how green our pasture is.

I love you, Singapore!

躲在衣柜的那一夜。。。

2007-08-10T13:06:00.000+08:00

七年前七月至八月间的一个周日晚上，我接到了一通意想不到的电话。

为了能清楚且专心地好好和对方通话 (因为家里那台老爷电话老是发出沙沙声的杂音) ，我连人带电话地躲进了闷热的衣柜里，半蹲半坐地褒了将近一个多小时的“电话粥” 。

当时，电视上正播放着由郑彬辉 (Tay Ping Hui) 和沈倾剡 (Ix Shen) 主演的电视连续剧 <<随心所遇>>。

*** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***

七年后，在这七月至八月间，许久许久没在电视剧露面的沈倾剡(Ix Shen) 再次和郑彬辉 (Tay Ping Hui) 合演了<<保家卫国>>。

七年后，我再次如同七年前一样，有感人生和事业正处于一个全新的阶段。

*** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***

七年说长不长，说短也一点都不短。

这七年里，那位我超崇拜/欣赏的人物也有如登上了直升机一样，平步青云去了。

当然，在我认识他时，他的年龄和成就本来就不太成正比了。

至于我，这七年来就像是上了一堂理论兼实习课。。。虽然说不上是资优生，进度也不是很显著，甚至有些学习项目还可能“肥佬” 过，但是，现在的我已经更清楚该怎么去走接下来的路。

即使还是不会突飞猛进，但至少脚步会更坚定。

Seven Years In Never-Never Land

2007-08-04T10:50:00.000+08:00

4 August 2000 was 7 long years ago.

But every little detail of that day remains vivid in my mind.

This date means a lot to me for various reasons - in particular, it was the day where two main aspects of my life officially took on a life of their own.

It was also the day where one innocent little prediction was made and subsequently forgotten, only to come true now.

Some days, I feel just like a jaded old granny who's lugging around bags and bags of life lessons and stories. And yet, occasionally, it seems to me that I am still that same relatively-carefree-19-going-on-20 girl all those 7 years ago.

Lalalalalalalalalalalalalala...

I'm turning psychic

2007-07-29T16:22:00.000+08:00

No, seriously.

A series of dreams-turned-realities situations has prompted me to think that either Someone Up There is trying to send me a Message,
or I am really ready to start a business predicting the future through my dreams.

SITUATION 1

DREAM The Boyfriend of my good friend (let's name her 'A')
poured out his woes to me about the torn and tattered state of their relationship...clashes of personalities, habits and all.

REALITY I was roused from that dream by the incessant ringing of
my mobile. It was 'A'. In a cheerful sing-song voice that sounded just a tad too tight, she announced that it's all over with The Boyfriend.
After a particularly issues-fraught outing the night before, he had left for a business trip in the morning while she was still in bed, leaving behind an angst-filled letter in his wake. The letter detailed everything that's wrong with their relationship. The bottomline? He wanted a
re-think about The Future.

The dream and the reality wouldn't have weirded me out so much
if I had known that they had been experiencing difficulties in their relationship in recent times. It would have been normal if that's the case as the issue would probably sit on my mind a little. But I hadn't been giving their relationship much thought prior to the dream, since she had been regularly - and blissfully - assuring me that
all's well and nice.

And even The Boyfriend's appearance in my dream is weird,
since (A) I do not have a habit of dreaming about my friends' dudes, and (B) I don't know The Boyfriend all that well and I was never the main negotiator between them in times of past bust-ups. It would have made more sense for me to dream of 'A' crying on my shoulder instead.

More importantly, there's the timing of the dream and the call. Freaky.

SITUATION 2

DREAM Two sisters, Paprika and Pratasha, led a series of thrilling events in my dreamscape...events that I can't remember much of now.
I can only recall that I kept urging myself to keep in mind the name "Paprika". I also remember 'knowing' that she is the more important of the two heroines in my dream.

REALITY I was watching a documentary on Paris' worst rail crash in history on Arts Central the night after the dream when a trailer for a Japanese anime movie came on during the commercial break. However, I got distracted midway and missed the title of the movie.
A few minutes late, it came on again. This time, I caught the title. It's "Paprika".
:
Again, it would have been normal if I had been reading local mags or papers lately. Mentions (if any) of that movie might have crept into my consciousness without me realising so. But I haven't been reading local mags or papers recently (I rely solely on online news sites to keep in touch with the world these days).

What's more, 'Paprika' is a word that barely exists in my usual vocabulary. And I hadn't been near the potato chips aisle recently,
so there's little chance of that little word sneaking its way into my mind from a pack of chips. For the record, I have never bought or tasted anything Paprika-flavoured. This word simply isn't part of my life.

So what are the odds of me dreaming of a girl named Paprika and then chancing upon a movie by the title of 'Paprika' on a channel that
I hardly watch, less than 24 hours later? I am not a regular viewer of Arts Central. I used to be, but have not been so for quite a while.
I only tuned in to the documentary that fateful night after seeing its trailer on another channel.

I googled 'Paprika' the movie and found this synopsis:

In this Japanese anime epic, humanity's last bastion of privacy has finally been infiltrated by technology, the world of our dreams. The story centers on a new invention called the DC-Mini. With this revolutionary device, psychiatrists are now able to enter a patient's dreams in a therapeutic setting. But when an unknown assailant steals all of the devices, using them to enter peoples minds enacting mind control, chaos ensues as dreams begin to bleed into reality, and the thin line between the conscious and the unconscious begins to blur. Enter a young female researcher named Chiba, who takes it upon herself to delve into the newly anarchic dream world in order to set things straight. In this surreal realm her name is Paprika, and she's out to save the world.

Note the premise that the movie is based upon. Note that line about dreams bleeding into reality. And note the female protagonist name. Freaky Freaky.

SITUATION 3

DREAM I'd turned Personal Assistant to Jolin Tsai and my task was to get ready a dress for her performance in my alma mater.
She fell sick at the eleventh hour and had to be admitted to hospital.
In another scene, Stefanie Sun confided in me that she could be preggers.

REALITY Of course I am no Personal Assistant of Jolin Tsai.
And of course Stefanie Sun is not preggers (well, I wouldn't know even if it's true, unless it's in the papers). But these two stellar money-printing machines appeared in completely separate stories in the front page of the same evening papers later that night. I saw it while picking up stuff at the supermarket.

Of course it's not uncommon for either Jolin Tsai or Stefanie Sun to make headlines. It's not even uncommon for them to be featured together on the same front page in a compare-and-contrast type of story. But when they appeared together in separate stories on the same front page of the same papers the same night that I had my dream in the morning, it left me feeling a bit weird out...again.
And again, those two characters had not been occupying my mind recently, and neither did I just hear any news relating to them.
This dream is not as freaky as the first two...but when I total them up, the freakiness index simply shoots to the sky. Freaky Freaky Freaky.

And that sums up why I think I am either turning psychic or
Someone Up There is cuing me to start paying attention
to my dreams. That is, one day, something important
(like 4 numbers) will be revealed to me via Channel Dreams.

Or maybe I have simply lost my marbles.

My Castle In The Air (Version 1.0)

2007-07-26T16:53:00.000+08:00

One day, my dream house will be home to such beauties:

Attack of the Gigantic Fly Swatter in Old Hollywood

2007-07-22T22:07:00.000+08:00

A friend sent me a picture of the $300-a-piece throne his company had so kindly bought to cushion each of their butts and backs while they slog it out at work.

Apparently, it is highly adjustable and so comfy that it completely justifies the price.

I certainly understand the importance of the comfort level of the office chair...it does make those 14-hour workdays much easier to bear.

However, let's not forget about aesthectic. An individual work space that's pleasing to its dweller's eyes is just as important.

So while I suspect I might never settle for any other office chair ever again once my butt touches this throne that my friend's butt is now resting on for 5 days a week (unless it's another even more expensive, even more comfy chair), I don't think I will ever get over its ugliness.

To be fair, this expensive piece of office furniture can be matched to words like 'sleek' and 'urban'.

But to little ol' me, it really is just a gigantic fancy fly swatter.

And now, this is the type of office chair that will make me look forward to heading to work any day. In fact, it might just yield even-better quality work from me.

Yes of course I realise that this classic-hollywood-ish piece doesn't look terribly comfy, but it's nothing that a nice white furry cushion and a curled-up sitting position won't solve.

And the bottomline is this: I probably wouldn't pay $300 for the gigantic fancy fly swatter (unless it really is that heavenly on the butt and back), but I would glady shell out $3,000 for this lovely old-world powerseat (which will probably make me a prime target of Deep Vein Thrombosis).

So there you have it - I am the epitome of those funny form-over-function people.

But only as far as non-living things-which-don't-count-as-a-huge-investment-like-houses are concerned. When it comes to the more financially serious stuff or humans, my good judgement will not be impaired by aesthetics.

Seldom, anyway.
.
.
.
.
.

Dawn's Fantasy Professional Persona

Oooh La La!!!

A little sunshine in a dark, dark world

2007-07-19T05:40:00.000+08:00

I realise the title is a tad misleading.

To clear it up a bit, this blog entry is not about me suddenly chancing upon a glimmer of hope in Gloomyville.

Hell no, I am by default a happy lark these days.

You'd be justified in thinking that I might be a little down in the dump though, for my wobbly world is indeed in a glorious state of disarray. One that comes complete with irregular income (read: I've turned freelance for now), irregular hours (freelance doesn't mean I get to be freed from l-o-n-g working hours, albeit I'm based at home), and of course, the occasional emotional roller-coaster rides on a regular basis.

But surprise, surprise, I am feeling faaabulous, darrrling! Well, at least, I do feel that way most of the time - you'd have to excuse those

only-human downtime once in a while. I would blind you with a set of Hollywood-worthy pearly whites if I could, just to prove my point, but my dentist is holding them ransom till I hand over a minor fortune good enough for me to adopt a few World Vision children till well past my life expectancy.

So now, having set the facts straight on what this blog entry is not about, it's time to get the real topic going before you exit this site in frustrations, cursing and swearing that I am a lousy writer who didn't grasp the concept of economy of words nor the art of holding her readers' interest. Even more ghastly, one who's afflicted with a bad case of incoherence. That would be terrible. But there might just be some truth to it. Oh gawd.

Before this gets any worse, here's the topic of the day...*drumroll*...
Black Comedy.

I love black comedy. There is just so much beauty in the way these films are treated, where serious and disturbing subjects the likes of death, murder and sickness are played out in a humorous and satirical manner.

Normally, humour and satire would look out of place in such scenarios. Yet, they are like what a few squeezes of the lime is to Fried Hokkien Prawn Mee - they infuse a certain piquance to the films' heavy flavours.

At the same time, given the right plot/directing/acting, they tend to lend a heightened sense of poignancy to the characters' plights. In fact, the drama factor is usually a few notches higher than if the same subjects had been done in a typical high-octane way.

Most black comedy films I caught so far kicked off innocently with scenes where good cheer and a general sense of happiness seem to prevail. Then things began to go dangerously wrong, while the soundtrack maintained a determinedly light and pleasant note.

Like this particular music that's currently playing as you read this blog entry (play it now if you already turned it off...tsk tsk).

It's seems like any other easy-listening number at the beginning until the notes start to veer off-tangent and the mood shifts to something that's much darker and a little more dangerous.

This number, "Fairy Tales" by Great Uncles of the Revolution, would be perfect for one of the final few scenes of a black comedy where a femme fatale managed to get away with murder, literally.

In my warped imagination, at the start of the music, we see a femme fatale greeting her guests in a house in a cheery, animated fashion, with no tell-tale signs of what's to come. As the music continues, she's seen to be happily going about putting into action her intentions to kill, in an efficient manner.

The murder-in-progress scene then gently fades off to a scene of a nice open-air marketplace like those in European countries. A pair of shapely gams strolls past the various quaint little stalls, with the hem of a sundress swaying gently along to the movements. The owner of those gams stops to admire some roses. The camera moves in front of her and we see the murderous femme fatale taking a deep whiff of the blooms, a wide, innocent smile on her face. The film then signs off with a scene of the horrific mess of the murder site, with cops milling around collecting evidence, snapping pictures.

Obviously, these final few scenes should ideally incorporate an unexpected twist. But then I would need to work in a few more characters in order to do that, and I can't do that when there's not a story to begin with anyway. Ha.

Oh...and just so you know, in case you are in desperate need of some reassurances after reading this blog entry, I am perfectly sane and perfectly non-murderous. I don't even have a habit of entertaining frivolous murderous thoughts - ok, perhaps only when clients really, really, really rile me up.

But 'fess up, you are probably as guilty of that as I am.

P.S. Check out "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not" here, starring the lovely Audrey Tautou.

A crash course in cooking...and life in general

2007-07-09T01:56:00.000+08:00

I have been studiously picking up a trick or two from my mum on the fine art of putting food on the table over the past few months.

And though I am not capable of whipping up a feast fit for kings yet, I can now proudly declare that I can put together a wholesome, edible and likely-to-be palatable meal that will not require the diner to make a dash for the emergency room and go home (gleefully) with a 1-week medical leave.

Now, my still-slightly-questionable-but-gradually-improving cooking skills aside, I realise that life is like a session in front of the stove and wok.

I hate to go all Forrest Gump here, but sorry folks, that's the truth.

You see, when it comes to cooking, getting the raw materials for the dish is easy. Getting the array of seasonings required is easy. And getting a rough estimate of the cooking time is easy too - just refer to the recipe or the mums/mum-in-laws etc of the world.

The tough part is everything else that follows once the cooking begins and you are left on your own.

Different woks react differently to heat, and the cooking time can differ vastly. And heat control is another intellectual-meets-intuition topic altogether. And of course there's the amount of each seasoning to use, which may not always be in direct proportion to the amount of raw materials you have. That is, it is not always a simple mathematical question of 1 teaspoons of soy sauce for 1 chicken breast and therefore 2 teaspoons for 2 chicken breasts...after all, it is a matter of personal taste.

Life's just the same, isn't it?

It is not that tough to set a goal and know what you have to do to get what you want.

The difficulties instead lie in figuring out just when to exactly to start, when to stop, when to go all out, when to hold back, when to stick to the rules and when to improvise...and the list continues.

So now you know...if you would like to rule the world someday, it's time you worked those woks.

Happiness is the simple things

2007-07-06T18:24:00.000+08:00

Happiness is...getting under the duvet before 12am, freshly showered, with nothing on my mind except thoughts of a good breakfast the next morning.

Happiness is...waking up naturally without the aid of a shrill alarm, with a contented smile on my face, and a sense of well-being radiating from every pore, matched by an upbeat soundtrack in my head (unlikely as it sounds, it happened before - more than once, in fact).

Happiness is...coming home to my favourite homecooked dishes by my favourite person in the whole wide world...
mommmmmmmmmy!!!

Happiness is...those anticipation-charged moments before the sounds from a new CD come through from the player.

Happiness is...accepting that it is fine to fall flat on my face once in a while. In fact, it is fine too if I wanna lie there and whine for a while - because I will always jump right back on my feet once I have had enough.

Happiness is...when Marian Keyes, Adele Parks, Louise Bagshawe, Plum Sykes, Sophie Kinsella and Candace Bushnell come up with new novels.

Happiness is...looking out of the window in my room in the early evening, when the sun casts its orange glow on the trees, and birds chirp cheerily as they return to their nests.

Happiness is...every latest issue of my fave mags.

Happiness is...receiving a "idle-chatter" kinda call or SMS from a good friend on a boring afternoon.

Happiness is...being really really really silly with my really really really silly but-oh-so-lovely puggies.

Happiness is...seeing how pissed off Ron the Pug can get when we stoically refuse to acknowledge his endless whines for snacks, snacks and more snacks.

Happiness is...finally learning that it is ok to not conform to all the norms out there.

Happiness is...hearing my mommmmmmy's glass-shattering singing drifting in from the kitchen (her unofficial office) into my room (my unofficial office).

Happiness is...munching on Calbee's Hot & Spicy Potato Chips.

Happiness is...the occasional realisation that I have the power to change my life, even if I sometimes feel powerless.

Happiness is...International buffets, Churrascaria restaurants and Chinese eating houses with dumplings and beer on their menus.

Happiness is...having homemade breakfast with my mum at West Coast Park.

Happiness is...downing a mug of beer on a warm afternoon.

Happiness is...dressing down and hanging out with dear friends over a little alcohol and loads of nonsensical chatter.

Happiness is...having made stupid mistakes earlier in my life, so I wouldn't make the same ones in future - hopefully.

Happiness is...the look, the feel and the scent of my freshly-cleaned boudoir.

Happiness is...Bak Chou Mee (with loads of lard and vinegar), Fried Hokkien Prawn Mee (with loads of lard and chilli), Chicken Rice (with breast meats and loads of chilli) and Fried Oysters (with loads of oysters and chilli).

Happiness is...loads of fresh salmon slices with loads of wasabi and loads of soy sauce.

Happiness is...large servings of kimchi, kimchi hot pot rice, kimchi pancakes, Korean BBQ beef, and a large pot of Korean specially mixed "50-year-old wine"...complemented by cigarettes.

Happiness is...Choco & Coffee biscuits by Bourbon.

Happiness is...going all out to do a great job when it seems humanly impossible and getting it right in the end.

Happiness is...waking up at 7.30am, jogging at 8.00am, and having a sinfully indulgent breakfast at 9.00am.

Happiness is...toasts with garlic spread or toasts with
butter and jam

Happiness is...the joy of knowing that there are always family and friends who love me - people I can count on.

Happiness is...having worthy people in my life - people worth caring for, people worth worrying about.

Happiness is...a tub of Ben & Jerry Strawberry Cheesecake
Ice Cream.

Happiness is knowing that it really isn't that tough to be happy.

My Cupcake is here!

2007-06-26T19:26:00.000+08:00

Oooh this is a lovely day!

My dear Cupcake is at my place!

This is nice, nice, nice!

Hahahahahahahahahahaha!

A beautiful night...

2007-06-26T00:29:00.000+08:00

The sky is crimson red, and rain is pelting down hard on the ground.

There are stray raindrops on the screen of my laptop.

Outside, the million trees that line the landscape around my block are swaying wildly to the momentum of the wind.

It is a beautiful night.

Just like a star across my sky...

2007-06-25T23:57:00.000+08:00

You are like an unreachable star that shines bright from afar.

I struggle to find that promised silver lining in my cloud.

Years go by and it seems like everything has changed.

And yet it is still the same.

You are always a trillion steps ahead of me.

Confessions of a terrified late 20-somethinger

2007-06-24T04:14:00.000+08:00

If my life is a movie screenplay and I am the screenwriter, I'm in serious trouble.

You see, somewhere along the line, I've lost the plot.

Everything started out promisingly enough.

For many years, I knew what the story was going to be like.

I knew what the protagonist (me) was gunning for in life, at work and everything else.

Yet, overnight, ok - over many days and nights or even years, without me consciously realising it, the significance of practically every issue and other leading characters in my life had changed.

Heck, even the significance of me in my very own life seemed to have undergone a major overhaul.

And as if having to re-work the screenplay from scratch isn't nerve-wrecking enough, I have no idea just how I would like the story to continue.

Saying that it's a terribly unsettling situation would be the understatement of the century.
.
Having said that though, I am not afraid. Ok, I am afraid,
yet not a-f-r-a-i-d.

Am I still making sense to you?

Let me put it this way - this situation is doing a great job of keeping me awake at night, and it even has its ways of sneaking into my dreams such that I wake up to find my heart at the pit of my stomach most times.

However, and this is a big HOWEVER, I do know I am still going to get my story back on track someday - somehow.

Perhaps it's the confidence gained from how I had deal with myself in various previous similar-yet-somewhat-different situations.

Or maybe I just made up this belief in my subconscious mind to keep me sane.

Oh god...now that's a real scary thought.

Anyway. I know I will get everything straightened out again. It may take some time, but it will happen.

The plot may be a very different one. Or it may only have subtle changes that no one who had seen the original story could discern.

But I would know.

Whatever it may be in the end, it will be a movie where the soundtrack boasts stirring, cheery, uplifting numbers, and everyone will leave the theatre happy.

Because it will be a happy movie.

OMFG. I am a real drama queen.

生与死之间，多少时间

2007-06-21T00:00:00.001+08:00

我们都知道自己不可能永远存在在这个世界上。

总有那么一天，会是我们活着的最后一天。

只是，我们都不会知道倒数会从什么时候开始。
即使我们一点都不稀罕长命百岁，即使我们时常都会很“潇洒” 地说自己也不希望活太久，可是我想我们没有一个人会真正希望在不是自然老死的状况下离开人世。

今天是6月20日。

去年的今天，一位年仅24岁的友人不幸在军训中途溺毙，走了。

那一天，也是我到Desaru度假的第一天。我启程的时间是早上9点左右。可是我却是独自一人在公司赶工至凌晨5点才托着疲惫的身躯回家收拾行李。抵达度假村的时间是大约中午12点30分。到了下午三点，我和朋友便雇了一辆德士往城里去。

我之所以会在一年后还那么清楚地记得所有时间的细节是因为到了大约傍晚时分，我接到了这位友人的死讯。而从那一刻开始，我便开始想很多。

在我的人生里，我是从那天凌晨5点就开始期待并倒数一个美丽假期的开始。

但对于我那位已过世的友人，他的人生旅程其实也已经在那个时候进入倒数最后一刻的阶段。

只是他一点也不知道，也没有可能会知道。

人生真的有很多的未知。。。也有很多事是在我们的掌控之外的。

所以我们都要尽力地活得充实，活得精彩，活得骄傲。

但也不是只为自己而活。。。也要为他人而活，为身边的家人和好朋友带来幸福和快乐。

这位友人完全做到了。

可以这么说，他做人真得做得很成功。

虽然他的早逝很令人惋惜和遗憾，但是，至少他这一生没有白活。

Lionel, 我为你感到很骄傲。

为什么非要当林中之王？

2007-06-18T16:53:00.000+08:00

大概从十年前起，我就一直很想重游动物园。

两个月前，我终于和好友们实现了我这个原本就一点都不难实现的愿望。

园中有很多逗趣可爱的小动物，但让我印象最深刻是一向以凶猛见称的老虎。

或许因为长期被饲养在“好吃好住” 及无须为江湖地位和保住小命而时时准备张牙舞爪的动物园里，老虎们在它们的院子里都表现出一副非常“与世无争”的样子。

他们时而为彼此抓痒，时而调皮地故意激怒对方，玩起追逐游戏。。。然后再“扑通” 一声双双跳进里小河里嘻戏。

它们似我家那两只善良可爱的巴哥狗。。。它们看来很快乐，很满足，很幸福。

有人说，野生动物应该属于大自然，不应该被“囚禁” 起来。

但是，若我那天见到的老虎们会说话，或许它们会说，“谁要回到大自然过那种有一餐，没一餐，活得过今天，不知道有没有明天的日子啊？！”

能够做林中之王当然威风，能够在一大片森林中自由自在地闯荡当然潇洒，可是。。。那样的生活也是一种生存游戏。天天活在高度戒备的状态中，不知什么时候会有什么敌人出现，不知谁能相信，谁会治自己于死地。。。这样的生活真的会快乐吗？

我想，动物园中的老虎或许偶尔会做个白日梦，幻想自己在森林中称王。

森林中的威猛虎爷们也或许会偶尔渴望过着平静安逸的日子。

这里特别为动物园中的老虎们献上一首改编自<<小人物的心声>>副歌的小曲子。。。

“我从来就不在乎/我是动物园里的老虎/无须为了午餐头破血流/想到森林的老虎辛辛苦苦/成天斗得血肉模糊/只为了林中之王的称呼”

2007-04-25T17:19:00.000+08:00

It's out there

When us mere mortals are looking to join an online community to connect with the rest of the world, we get an enviable long list of choices like Friendster, Multiply, hi5 and such.

For the Really Rich & Fabulous set, they are quite content with just a single option - aSmallWorld.

A private online community of the world's jet-set elite, and renowned for its very restricted membership, aSmallWorld features an exclusive mix of business tycoons, American socialites, old-school family names, nouveau-riche newcomers and minor European royalty, and of course, celebrities.

In other words, if you happen to find yourself invited to aSmallWorld (membership is strictly upon invitation by existing members), you are likely to find yourself two or three friends away from a direct connection wtih Herbert William Hoover IV - from the clan whose family name is synonymous with vacuum cleaners, Ivanka Trump, daughter of Mr. Donald "You're Fired" Trump, and Quentin Tarantino, among other big personalities.

Your friends' profiles will typically feature photos taken at shoots for renowned magazines too, probably Vogue. And instead of in-your-face ads that say "Lose 30 lbs in 30 days", you will be greeted by sleek advertising from companies that want to introduce a gorgeous new toy to your existing yatch collection.

Just to illustrate the point further, a typical question on the forum will be along the line of, "Is Dior having its St Tropez party again this year?". Note: This will be posted by people who are not asking out of plebian curiosity, but real insiders who are expecting a personalised invitation.

All these may take a little bit of getting-used-to, of course. Especially if you have grown very accustomed to friends who insist on assuming online identities like TechnoFreak, Barbie or DarthVader, complete with profiles that see them giving a death-stare while straddling their bikes, or looking up coyly at camera-phones held 15cm above eye-level.

There's no hurry, though. Most of us will probably need a few lifetimes before we get anywhere near anyone who has the clout to invite us into this inner sanctum. Well, unless Ivanka Trump happens to descend in Singapore for a backpacking trip (just to experience the simple life, you know), get lost in Chinatown, and form a strong girly bond with me when I happen to be at the right place and at the right time to offer some assistance.

Oh forget it - I am happy with Friendster.

P.S. Obviously, I couldn't go beyond the Welcome Page of aSmallWorld.net. But from what little I had seen, I can't help but ask - although money can't buy you taste, surely it can buy you the services of a good web designer?

Ivanka Trump Quentin Tarantino

Becky Bloomwood is back with a baby!

2007-04-24T04:27:00.000+08:00

Goody goody...one of my favourite characters in the Land of Chick-Lit is back with the latest must-have fashion accessory - a baby!

Though I have waved goodbye to most of my shopping desires, there's no question that dear Becky Bloomwood's hilarious antics alone will provide me hours of delightful escapism. It helps that she now has a near picture-perfect life too (Read: A filthy rich, drop-dead gorgeous, and extremely devoted husband).

*Dreamy sigh*

It's time to hit the bookstore!

Click for an excerpt of Shopaholic & Baby from Sophie Kinsella's Official Website

P.S. Yea yea yea, I know it is a cotton-candy read that will never be in the running for a Nobel Prize in Literature...but nobody has to be all-serious all the time! Life is not meant to be that punishing. And oh, if you think her Shopaholic series is pure fluff, then perhaps you should try your hand at writing a novel that debuts at #1 on New York Times hardcover fiction list! ; )

<<白色巨塔>> -- 佳句

2007-04-21T02:41:00.000+08:00

台湾以医院和医生为故事背景的剧集 <<白色巨塔>> 的对白充满了让我有共鸣的佳句。一点都不像新加坡剧集里那些典型的台词。句句生活化，却又还很优雅，也很有画面，很真实。(故事大纲)

“我们每个人都背负着过去曾经犯下的错误活着，我们必须学习跟自己最不堪的那部分相处，因为生命没有办法重来，因为我们是大人。”
~ 我的人生中没有太不堪的部分，但也确实曾经犯下许多让自己深感后悔的大大小小的错误。“因为生命没有办法重来” 这句话，我也曾经说过。。。我后悔自己犯下了一些错误，但是我无论再怎么后悔，也无法让时间倒转，回到过去去更改历史。唯一能做的，就只有谨记着得到的教训，不再让自己犯回一样的错，并用以后的时间来补救，改进。

“你年纪越大，你就眼看着命运，一样一样地选择你。你还能有什么选择，人生就是这样，过了某一个点，就再也回不去了。”
~ 很认同，但也绝对不肯屈服。只能提醒自己，每一个选择和决定，都要思考清楚，尽量不要让自己走到不能再回头的那个点。即使到了那个点，也还是不能屈服，不能轻言放弃。

“有时候遇到一些事情，我自问所有角度我都想过了，而且该用力的地方我也用力了，我也努力做到了，我就觉得没有问题了，这个事情搞定，一切都会很好。但是不一定，只要老天爷一个弹指，就不一样了，什么事情都不一样了。”
~ 这或许就是人生的无奈。。。但是，怨老天爷也没用。要嘛，就以正面，积极的态度和老天爷拼一拼。否则就以正面，积极的态度接受，然后重新出发。

“真正的勇气是用来追求那种简单的幸福。。。当我们在做我们想做的事，天堂就是我们一伸手就能碰到的地方。如果你要幸福，你要坚定地伸出手，去做你想要做的事，去爱你身边最爱的人。不要等，因为幸福从来没有离开过，只是你没有看见。”
~ 我们往往在拼了命追求幸福时，都忘了问自己幸福究竟是什么。幸福真有那么难求吗？又或则只是我们一直都不敢相信简单就是幸福？要愿意满足于简单，真的需要勇气。我也在努力地在培养那股勇气。

曾经重要的一切，原来并不重要。。。

2007-04-20T23:45:00.000+08:00

不知道从哪一天，哪一刻开始，我对人生的看法再也不一样了。

或许是当身边的朋友，很年轻的朋友们，相继在一夜之间与世长辞。

或许是当我一而再地听闻身旁认识的人，一直都蛮健康的人，突患重病。

人生的无常让我很害怕。。。真的很害怕。

什么时候会发生什么事，似乎不太由得我们来决定。

但我不是悲观。

相反地，这一切让我开始思索人生中究竟什么最重要，什么才是最值得我们劳心费神地去追求，什么最值得我们去珍惜。

一度为了想在事业上拼出成绩，得到满足感和认同，可以废寝忘食，以健康来做交换，也因为压力大而放纵自己对家人发脾气。最后当自己撑得最辛苦时，还是依赖着家人无条件的支持和关怀才过了关。

我还是很愿意为事业打拼，还是不介意因事业而活在气压锅里头，还是会心甘情愿地放弃睡眠。

但是，今天，这一切都要有限度。

我明白很多时候有些事是不能尽如人意的。我所热爱的每一项工作都不太可能允许我对付出的时间和精神设限。

所以我必须学习如何放轻松但却不松懈。

可是如果真的得做出选择，我还是会选择活得自在，活得健康。

当然还有家人。。。

我好爱我的家人，虽然偶尔还是会大吵大闹。

对我而言，家人和健康一样，都排第一位。

我和家人的感情一向都很好。但是，一直以来，都似乎没有很认真地珍惜过，直到最近。

以往，若在工作之余有时间，一定会很想找朋友去喝两杯。

现在，我大多会更想回家和妈妈，爸爸，还有两只超可爱的小狗们聚一聚。
就这么三个人和两只狗，开开心心地度过时光。

我也是时候和姐姐一家，还有阿姨们和表哥表弟们多通电话或一起用餐什么的。

有时候觉得很可笑 - - 我们很愿意花很多的时间和精神去经营和上司，客户，同事和朋友，甚至邻居，的关系。到最后，和家人之间的感情却淡薄得很。

上司，客户，同事，朋友和邻居都很重要，但说到底，也是能被取代的。

家人，尤其是父母，若失去了或来不及珍惜，或许就是一辈子的遗憾。

其实，对人重要的，往往也是能让我们觉得快乐的。

只要懂得分清楚什么才是重要的，快乐，其实很简单。

西天取完了经，东边应该还有。。。Part 2

2007-04-20T10:22:00.000+08:00

上个星期的今天，我终于结束了近五年的西游记。

一开始的时候，从来没想过这段旅程竟然会持续那么久。

去年，一位多年的好战友也离开了我们熟悉的避风港到外头去闯。。。就像五月天在<<孙悟空>>里所唱的一样“西天取完了经，东边应该还有"。

现在是轮到我去探索东边奥妙的时候了。

巧的是，今天刚刚发现电视台最近正在下午重播新传媒连续剧<<东游记>>。

对于离开，我百感交集。

只是，大概也没谁看得出来。因为一直到我在那避风港的最后一天，我还是一贯的疯疯颠颠，一副不把离开放在心上，满不在乎的样子。

我不是难过。。。因为我确实很想很想很想离开。

我也不是舍不得。。。因为除了在那里得到的工作经验和非常难的“我们是同事，也是好朋友”似的友情，没什么好舍不得的。何况，工作经验和友情，是绝对带得走的。

只是，那个避风港，毕竟是一个我待了近五年的地方。

除了周末，公共假期，病假和年假以外，那是我近五年来，天天报到的地方。

算起来，我二子头的岁月，有一大半是在那里度过的。

22岁踏进了避风港，27岁离开。

把脑海里的记忆翻一翻，还能清楚的看见自己刚刚报到时的青涩模样。就连当时心理在想的话，现在仿佛也还能听得见。一切似乎很近，但却很遥远。

这些年里，人生中没什么大不了和了不起的事发生。但是，东凑西凑地，许多小事 - 无论是关于事业或生活 - 都一点一滴地慢慢让我变得不一样了。我说不上来这是件好事或坏事。只知道，不一样了。

我还挺怀念以前的自己。

或许这就是为什么离开避风港让我百感交集。

我向一段岁月，向某一个自己，说再见了。

P.S. 致亲爱的前同事/好朋友们：能够在一间公司里，结识那么多位不搞心机，不勾心斗角，能够交心的好朋友是一个难的的福气。。。我非常的珍惜，也非常的感谢！这趟旅程，最大的收获，就是你们！多谢了，Ah Kiat, Silly Shelley, Weiying, Mandy, Lyonne, Emily, Karen, Amanda, Ashley, Andy, Leslie and Daniel!!!

There goes my laptop

2006-12-14T18:50:00.000+08:00

The premature death of my laptop is probably the best illustration of "Everything happens for a reason".

Now I have a perfectly legitmate excuse (to myself) to get a MacBook.

But before that, I will have to do without my connection to the world when I am not at work for a little while.

Bumper.

祝你生日快乐

2006-12-10T01:07:00.000+08:00

致：影响我至深的你，

虽然不知道你此刻身在世界的哪个角落，但在这里，我诚恳地，由衷地，祝愿你身体永远健康，生命里一直都满载幸福。。。

遗失的美好之 - 单纯

2006-12-06T01:21:00.000+08:00

看了几集的<<冲上云霄>>之后，心中涌现了一些感触。

其中，尤其感叹“单纯”是多么容易遗失的人性特质。

这部连续剧应该也有至少一两年的历史了吧。而在这段日子里，在戏中饰演一名21岁，开朗，知足及乐天的机场地勤人员胡杏儿，也从香港电视台的小家碧玉晋升成为当家花旦之一。对于近来越来越深感自己无论是心境或躯体都正在急速老化的我来说，她在戏里那天真烂漫的气质 - 尤其是眼神 - 是无比的让人羡慕及嫉妒。

但是经过戏末那几年的洗礼后，我发现如今在杂志或报章里看到的她，眼神多了些深沉，而单纯的味道却已近乎不复存在。即使仍然是在戏剧里扮演年轻及讨喜的角色，但就是不一样了。

成长的过程 - 身份，地位，和经历的不同 - 难道非得让夺走可贵的单纯吗？

小孩的快乐来自单纯，长大了却恨不得快点抛掉单纯来换得所谓的智慧与成就。

不值得。。。但在单纯是被视为一种性格和处世缺陷的人生阶段里，也似乎没的选择。

何况，单纯往往是在每一天的纷纷扰扰中，不知不觉遗失的。

P.S. 我常认为，真正出卖人类年龄的罪魁祸首不是眼睛周围的皱纹，而是咱们的眼神。就好比一位拥有好演技的30来岁演员不论化上再怎么棒的老妆也无法真正神似一位60岁老父/妇 - 就因为眼神。

Cherish life and love - for they can be lost in a heartbeat

2006-10-14T01:30:00.000+08:00

My Primary School playmate held her wedding last Saturday.

And because we had lost touch for a long time till we finally met once before her wedding, I did not experience the usual excitement I have when attending most weddings, for I do not know the slightest bit of history of her courtship with her husband.

However, when pictures of their courting days started flashing on those two huge screens in the banquet hall, I found myself silently and consistently chanting, "Let them be happy, healthy and true to each other way into the future".

I know that makes me seem like one extremely maudlin weirdo, but those wishes came naturally and sincerely, because - let's face it - love and marriage are such fragile items these days, and life is so unpredictable.

Especially when a friend of mine had a huge row with her boyfriend just a day before the wedding and freaked me out big-time with the ensuing drama, one which jolted me wide awake from my deep slumber and saw me making a mad dash to the hospital.

While another acquaintance passed away as a result of a failed lap-band surgery to lose weight, mere months after he got married.

Ok now I have gone from maudlin to morbid.

Anyway, the point is, many recents events have made me realised just how fragile and unpredictable everything is, and nothing should ever be taken for granted.

Night.

Dawn Leng + Dementia

2006-10-14T01:01:00.000+08:00

This is hilarious.

Out of mere boredom, I googled myself just to see how many other "Dawn Leng" are there in the universe, and for a hint of the kind of world they inhabit.

Apparently, there are not that many around...at least not in cyberspace.

Then I came across this sentence, "Hello! This Dawn Leng here...I am too lazy to apply for a Blogger account thus chose to post this "anonymously. I read this in yesterday's Lianhe Zaobao' supplement..."

Another "Dawn Leng" right here in Singapore?!

This I got to see!

I clicked on the site and that sentence turns out to be a comment posted to a female blogger.

On and on I read, and there's stuff like "Berlin" mentioned in it, which intrigued me, so I ploughed on.

And then suddenly, it all came back to me - and you would probably have guessed it by now, it was posted by yours truly!

I can't believe how preachy I sound...but then again, it sounds like me! ; )

Here is the entry:

"Hello! This Dawn Leng here...I am too lazy to apply for a Blogger account thus chose to post this "anonymously".

I read this in yesterday's Lianhe Zaobao' supplement: Berlin was completely ravaged and devastated during the World War II – but that also opened up the opportunity for her to be rebuilt in various whole new ways.

Like the quote you placed in this blog article, success is never final and failure is never fatal. A loss of opportunity might just be the thing that opens up new avenues of possiblities for you – possibilities that never once occurred to you or might have occurred to you but never taken seriously as you were busy being stuck somewhere.

Now that life is temporarily free and easy for you, you can afford some time to really think about what you want or where you intend to head.

Don't be in too much of a hurry, but be careful not to drag your feet subconsciously too. As long as you are fully aware of what you are doing (and fully aware that you are really NOT finding excuses for yourself), you shouldn't have to bother with others' "loafer" comments. Sometimes, a really good break is really essential to moving on, but I still maintain this – as long as you are really sure you know what you are doing.

According to the article, Berlin is today the very unique, creative and bustling capital of Germany. It is a capital that is very different to the concepts that most people have of capitals – not everyone would be in love with her, but those who can appreciate what she has to offer, falls truly, madly and deeply in love.

This is the lesson the Berlin article has taught me...doom is really the beginning of boom (if you possess the right attitude and regularly check that the attitude in question is indeed still moving you in the direction you want), and that if you intend to be different, you will have to be prepared to deal with the fact that you will invite controversy (not necessarily in a good way all the time), and not everyone will love you (but those who do truly do).

And last but not least, even if your so-called chosen direction is "unpredictable and different", you still have got to know exactly what you are doing (even if it may seems to others you are just making a mad dash to nowhere).Heehee sorry if I got too preachy...hahaha ignore me if it sounds totally irrelevant to you...I am just triggered off by how nicely your current situation fits in with the lesson I learnt from the Berlin article and thought it would be nice to share it with you."

Hahaha.

Leavin on a jet plane - alone

2006-09-16T19:48:00.000+08:00

For some time now, I have been toying with the idea of travelling alone.

There is great joy in travelling with best friends who share your sense of humour and definition of amusement, of course.

But there is also something in travelling alone - make that a certain romance, and a quiet appreciation of the sights and scenes - that travelling in pair/pack simply can't offer.

What's stopping me from taking off on my own and experiencing the table-for-one-please trip somewhere a little further away from home then?

The supernatural.

I really, really, really, can't cope with staying in a hotel room all on my own...let alone take a shower in there. More than one scary movie had warned me that hotel's bathrooms are usually where all the 'actions' begin.

If only I can request to stay in the hotel lobby or something...and get a staff to accompany me to my twice-daily showers in an unoccupied room.

That would be so perfect.

Compliments from client give me wings - but I nearly got branded as a bimbo!

2006-06-19T04:35:00.000+08:00

Hang on a second.

Let me anchor myself properly before I begin.

You see, I have been working on various jobs of various genres for this particular biggie client ever since I started working for my heavenly-cum-homely company.

Years passed as I try to hone my copywriting skills and tame my brain day after day after day.

Then one fine day, compliments from them started coming my way...obviously, elation is an understatement.

And then it happened.

One member of the client came down for a meeting at my office...and told my colleague she would like to meet me.

My client would like to see the face behind the works and the face in question looked like death warmed over - how nice.

I panicked.

I squealed to the colleague having the meeting with said client, "NOOOOOO...I LOOKED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT!"

And then I began a mad rush to search for foundation, concealer, toothbrush, toothpaste...

Then I waited.

And waited.

And I saw the client leaving.

My colleague had sent her away, out of kindness for me...I did tell her I would rather not meet her when I looked like a piece of shit, right?

Oh no.

Thankfully, the client reappeared a few moments later to collect some stuff she accidentally left behind, and having clarified my stand with my colleague (out of earshot of the client, of course), I was finally introduced.

Phew.

I was at fault.

I should have watched my words.

I just did not expect to my colleague to take those words quite so seriously. I mean, did she really think I would find it acceptable to turn down a client's request to meet me? Especially when the client did know that I was in the office at the time?

Good thing everything worked out in the end.

And I am happy.

A significant day in my life...perhaps a life-changing one.

2006-06-19T03:36:00.000+08:00

Last Friday was a significant day in my life.

Many of my friends got quite excited over it.

I wore a frilly girly dress for the first time in years.

And it is a 100% interpretation of femininess without my usual funk or rock touches.

I do not even do skirts (except on occasions when I had to be a 'jie mei' to my friends or colleagues), let alone a frilly girly dress, which explained their disbelief and excitement.

"Jian Huo, serious ah?! I find it hard to believe, take some pictures and send it to me?!"

"ARE YOU SERIOUS???!!! THIS I GOT TO SEE!!!"

"What happened???!!!"

"WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"

Hmmm.

Well...I am proud to say that I think I pulled it off quite competently.

A new-found friend that night told me that, on first impression, she thought I was one of those really girlish, really sweet kinda girl.

See? Told you I pulled it off quite competently.

In fact, I think I might go the way of sweet in my styling from now on.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Just kidding.

Then again, I just might.

We shall see.

I had firecrackers in my ears!

2006-06-19T03:01:00.000+08:00

I went for my virgin ear candling session today.

It was a spur-of-the-moment decision after my facial and thus, without having done any research or asking around, I had absolutely no idea what to expect.

And I certainly did not expect to have firecrackers going off in my ears.

It was unnerving alright, but not exactly uncomfortable. The uneasiness stemmed more from the fear of all the cackling and popping sounds that hovered at the top of my head from the burning of the candle rather than from the procedure itself.

In fact, once I got over the shock, it was pretty enjoyable. The therapist got me to tilt my head to lie on my ear and a candle was inserted into the other one. She then lit the candle and all the cackling and popping began. As those were going on, she gently massaged my head and especially the area around my ear, presumably to encourage the gunk to be sucked up.

I did a casual check on google later and there seems to be two general schools of thoughts with regard to ear candling - those who advocate it, and those who are against.

Anyway, I learnt that I am supposed to experience a heightened sense of hearing due to all the gunk that were cleared. Well, it hasn't happened yet, so far.

Next time, I will ask them to do an autopsy on the candle to show me the gunk that came out.

I can't wait!

Desaru Dreamin'

2006-06-18T04:41:00.000+08:00

It is now in the early hours of Sunday, 18 June 2006 as I am writing this.

That means in about 2 full days later, I will be transported to a laid-back world of nothing more than sun, sand and the sea.

Humble Desaru, here I come!

Many questioned my choice of destination.

Well, let's just say that my friend and I have made the most out of what little we have in our banks.

There really are not many beach resorts out of Singapore and Sentosa and Pulau Ubin that can allow us to veg out for 5D4N at a very reasonable $312 per person. And we are taking the Premier Room too, hahaha.

And then there is the journey.

Destinations like Redang, Perhentian and Tioman involve too much logistic issues.

We need a vacation to relax and recharge our fast-dying batteries...not grapple with endless hours of trying hard not to puke on the bus or wondering why we ever agree to suffer like this in the first place.

No, we are not snobs, as you can tell from our final choice of destination. We simply want something simple and straightforward, that's all.

And Desaru is as good as it can get.

I took a trip there once back in 2002, and the journey was short and very much enjoyable.

We boarded a ferry that looked more like a yatch at Tanah Merah Ferry Terminal, and proceeded to climb to the open-air top deck to take in the wind, sun and lovely view, where we ended up staying for the rest of the 45-minute journey.

Upon reaching the immigration and customs house at the jetty, a quiet and old-world charm greeted us. From there, a bus journey of about an hour or less later, we arrived at our resort.

We spent our days strolling along the near deserted white sand beach while accompanied by the huge expanse of equally deserted sea, disturbing the lalas that kept popping up from the sand, and crafting 3D sexy bikini babes out of the sand.

At night, we gobbled down the Nissin Instant Cup noodles we brought with us in the comfort our room (I was even poorer then), which is kinda like room service. I am a master of positive-thinking, as you can see.

Writing about the trip now makes me wish that it is Tuesday tomorrow, which will signify the start of my beach vacation!

But I have not started packing yet...a 5D4N trip away from home will entail a fair amount of packing, even if it is just humble Desaru that I am going to!

And I have not gotten all the essentials like shampoo, shower cream, sun block (I am so so so over my sun-tanning phase after 3 horribly scary bad sunburnts in my life), Po Chai Pills (I always get stomach upset after hotel breakfast from the amount of warm and cold rubbish I consume), insect repellent, slippers, etc etc etc.

Time to hit the bed, anyway!

Shit is the best fertilizer

2006-06-18T03:38:00.000+08:00

Like the season of broken hearts as mentioned in an earlier entry, my friends from various circles are also in various stages of 'depression', over various reasons.

I added inverted commas to that word, depression, for they are definitely not going through real depression. Not yet, anyway. I would say they are depressed, but to say they are in a real depression would be a bit of a stretch.

But if they do not work something out soon, they may soon be.

The thing is, shit happens in life, even to the nicest, most decent, more responsible, most intelligent, most disciplined, most careful, most well-adjusted people.

And when I say that, I don't mean it in a bitter way - absolutely not.

Shit is the really the best fertilzer...I cannot stress this enough.

Be it problems at work...a particularly difficult client, a connundrum in terms of advancement...or problems in a relationship, one can learn many lessons from them, even if things don't work out in the end, and become stronger and wiser.

But only if you view shit with the right attitude.

It is perfectly normal and acceptable to express disgust and anger when you suddenly found yourself pushed into a pool of shit.

But what happens after that?

Your situation certainly will not improve if you simply struggle recklessly while spewing vulgarities and visualising horrible deaths for those 'responsible' for your predicament.

Anyway, struggling recklessly will only serve to sink you deeper and faster.

And when you occupy your mind with angry and revengeful or self-pity thoughts, there is no room to start thinking about just how you can extradite yourself from that unpleasant pool like a champ.

Now, having said all that, I have to say that I am not beyond thinking angry and revengeful or self-pitying thoughts when I get thrown in to a pool of shit myself.

It is only human to do that, and I am no saint.

But I have been practising what I am now preaching so far in my life up till now.

And I am happy that I have become stronger and wiser as a result of those pools of shit I sometimes got thrown in, or accidetally fell into either by my own carelessness or a bad stroke of luck.

I must add this disclaimer though: I have no way of predicting how I will react to the next such incident, and I might be a very angry or self-pitying fool who's doomed to be stuck there for a while.

But I know if that happens, I will come to my senses sooner or later.

Life is full of shit...thank goodness for that.

It's the season of broken hearts

2006-06-14T01:21:00.000+08:00

Contrary to popular belief, I do have a heart to break.

But my heart is intact this June (I really think I am getting really good at protecting it from unnecessary abuses by undeserving parties), while elsewhere, hearts seem to be breaking left, right and center every few seconds.

And I am starting to think that I should seriously consider a career in nursing broken hearts back to health.

I have been having plenty of practise recently, you see.

It's weird, it's like a contagious disease that is getting out of control, the Broken Heart Syndrome is afflicting a hell lot of people out there.

Close friends aside, I am even receiving calls from friends that I hardly keep in touch with (still close friends,nevertheless), seeking a listening ear and a few consoling words.

June is ending soon...for their sake, let's hope everyone will go back to being happy real soon...with or without their current partners.

Balm for the copywriter's soul

2006-06-04T01:07:00.000+08:00

Chanced upon this quotable quote while surfing the net in the name of work. It's indeed balm for the copywriter's soul (or anyone who does a lot of writing on a daily basis)...especially one who recently had to call in the CSI team to investigate the case of her missing brain.

"Writing is hard work. A clear sentence is no accident. Very few sentences come out right the first time, or even the third time. Remember this as a consolation in moments of despair. If you find that writing is hard, it's because it is hard. It's one of the hardest things that people do." - William Zinsser

Like what it advised, I will certainly remember this as a consolation in moments of despair...before I tear out my hair, chew off my fingers or anything similarly drastic like that.

My favourite things

2006-05-29T00:54:00.000+08:00

My Victorian-ish lampshade...completed in record speed in the wee hours

My D-I-Y Handpainted "Swarovski Crystals" Nokia 6170...now with zero trade-in value, but it is perfectly alright by me.

My whimsical boudoir...one that I spent countless hours, days and nights to pack, paint and hammer into shape on a minimal budget and with minimal manpower - me & myself!

My virgin 80cm x 80cm acrylic-on-canvas painting...one that I insisted on doing amidst well-meaning advices that I might be throwing good money away on this big piece of canvas and the amount of paint involved, since I had never done any acrylic painting nor canvas painting of any kind before. Well, I was prepared to accept an "abstract" painting should I fail, thus I went ahead with it - and took extra care to ensure it is a reasonably acceptable piece of work.

Joan Chan, and her lessons on life...

2006-05-28T20:39:00.000+08:00

There was this article in Straits Times Life section last Christmas about young women in Singapore who were cornered by cancer at a time in their lives where they should be pretty much carefree and free to map out their dreams and ambitions as if they would live forever.

The featured real-life stories were all full of admirable strength and spirit on the part of the female protagonists. In particular, the story of Joan Chan stood out, the 20-year-old who had to battle tongue cancer from the day she took in this devastating news from her doctor at all of 18.

Going by the magnitude of the situation she was caught in, the physically- and emotionally-traumatic experiences she had to deal with over the course of her treatments, which involved major operations, chemotherapy and radiotherapy, and inevitably, the worries about money...it was probably not expected of her to remain exceedinly strong and positive in the face of all these. Yet she had, and her feat had touch and inspired many.

In my opinion, she had won the battle, though she passed away peacefully last week in her sleep after an earlier decision to terminate treatment.

Like what she had written in her blog, I am not exactly the kind of person to do very little else but whine and grip in the face of problems. We both believe in focusing on thinking about the best way to tackle the problem in question, and then putting it into action.

I have always thought of myself as a fighter like her, and I always believe I will be able to find the strength to see myself through any predicament.

However, after reading about her ordeal, I truly wonder if I can deal with what she had faced in the same brilliant way of hers.

I sincerely hope none of us will ever have to find out the answer to this question about ourselves.

Whatever the case, I will always remind myself of Joan the next time I am caught in situations that I find daunting. Situations which, I believe, will no doubt be only a teeny weeny fraction of what Joan had taken on, and won.

亲爱的死贱货

2006-05-28T20:01:00.000+08:00

几乎已经想不起究竟有多久没有和我那近20年的超级好友直呼对方的名字。

这近20年的大半段时间里，我们对彼此来说，都是“死贱货”。

忘了是怎么开始的，只知道有了这个称号之后，每每因意见不合而出现不愉快的状况时，只要有一方先用“适度凶悍”(我)或嗲到让人作呕的语气(她)抛出“死贱货。。。不爽啊/神经病啊/对不起啦/不要生气嘛/。。。”之类的话，就会雨过天晴了。

重点是，我们都了解那个过程是彼此给自己和对方化解纠纷的一个台阶，所以不会不识好歹，认为是对方在向自己底声下气而开始摆出高姿态，或对导致那场纠纷的“祸根”咬死不放。

当然，不是什么事都只是以“不吵就好”的方式来处理。。。相反的，我们是绝对坚持有不满或问题就一定要好好的研究研究然后再好好地修理它。

但在那之前，至少要先消除那股火药味，把彼此拉回到一个心平气和的平台，再谈。

不过我们意见严重分歧的经验是少之又少的，面对着同一个我们不认同的人或事同一个鼻孔出气才是常有的事。。。所以说嘛，我们俩都是名副其实的“死贱货”。

虽然是很老套，但一路走来，我们之间的感情真的就如同亲姐妹。从6, 7 岁的两个傻丫头，到十几岁的蒙懂皆怀春少女, 到今天26岁不老不少，对事业，爱情和人生充满着五味杂陈的感觉的所谓大人。。。我们一起走过了一段非常重要的旅程，也见证了彼此生命中各个大大小小的“创举”，“失败”，“骄傲” 以及“挫折”。

我们时常都在想，或许不是每一个人都能有幸在一生当中找到一个就像亲人一般的知己好友。能够拥有一个在对方面前完全无须伪装更无须武装自己的好朋友，一个像是自己肚子里的蛔虫的知己，或许的确是纯属侥幸。虽然我们在基本思想上是相似的，频率也一样，但在生活中却大不相同。她是100%女人，我是近年来才开始像个女人。她对数字敏感，我则会对数字产生敏感反应。我们除了一样爱唱歌以外，基本上也没什么共同的嗜好。平日我们也都各忙各的，虽然我们都会有事没事就互传超长的简讯报告自己的近况和吐吐苦水，但却是每隔好几个月才会碰面一次。

在这样的情况下，我们的友情没有减热，反而升温，的确是幸运的。

互称彼此“死贱货”这个听起来极度不雅也不是很友善的称呼，是我们身边的家人和朋友都不太能够理解的行为。

但对我们而言，“死贱货”是超级好友的代号，也是再亲切和温馨不过的三个字！

能看见自己的不足，才能遇见进步。。。

2006-05-28T20:00:00.000+08:00

别人若犯了错，我就当作是反面教材，引以为戒。

别人若在某些方面表现优异，我就分析他成功的原因，虚心学习。

这样的想法，让我不断地看见了自己许许多多的不足之处，也同时给了我进步的机会。

发现自己有那么多不足之处，一点都不可怕。相反的，我充满了期待。。。期待一直有更好的自己出现。

幸福 = 惜福

2006-05-28T19:57:00.000+08:00

人一定要懂得惜福，才会幸福。

而幸福，是需要用心去体会的。

时常和一位好朋友聚在一块儿喝两杯时，都会举杯高喊“但愿我们都能找到幸福！”但我们对幸福的定义却是大不相同的。

他把幸福和爱情画上等号，我呢，则是希望每天开开心心事业步步高升身体健健康康家人平平安安友谊长长久久。

所以我一直在想，我真的好幸福喔！

现在就来点算点算：

1) 每天开开心心

开心是自给的。。。我要开心，所以我往能够让我开心的方向走。谁都会遇见不顺心的事，但我选择用积极的态度去面对。遇见挫折就赶快想该怎么补救，来不及补救就想一想问题出在哪里，自己错在哪里，往后该怎么避免陷入同样的状况。心情低落就和自己好好谈谈，谈不拢就找个好朋友再谈谈。。。有些事，说出来后，就突然变得没事了。若再不行，那随便忧郁个三两天通常也就忧郁腻了，也就自然痊愈了。

2)事业步步高升

从蒙蒙懂懂到终于像个样，一路走来，成绩虽然不算辉煌，但这一路上一直都看得见因为自己的坚持，毅力和努力所换来的成果。尽管进度不太让我满意，但我相信只要我不放弃，继续在各方面加强自己的实力，总有一天，我会交出让自己满意的成绩单。其实在很多方面，我一直都是龟兔赛跑中的那只乌龟。。。一直都记得在中学常年2.4公里的那场赛跑。我到场时只能排在80几个男男女女的最后一位，也是个子最矮小的一位。但到最后，我排名第二，只输给了一位长腿姐姐。起步比别人慢不要紧，步伐没别人快也不要紧。。。只要有非一般的决心和毅力，就一定能带着自己前进！

3)健健康康

多谢老天保佑，尽管我对自己的健康总是爱理不理，折腾多于照顾，烟酒又不离手，但到目前为止，一切大致上也都还算操作正常。我在心存感激之余，也下定决心从现在起，早睡早起，定时运动，少抽烟多喝水。。。可悲的是，每当我这么说，身边的好朋友们都笑翻了。

4)家人平平安安

好不容易，终于盼到了这6，7年来国泰民安，欣欣向荣的局势。一家人和乐融融的感觉真的非常非常非常的好。老妈永远是我最爱的人，当然她也经常成为我那坏脾气的牺牲品。在家里工作时我总有一大堆不讲道理的家规要我老爸老妈遵守，比如不准许他们在我听觉范围里说话，也只有他们才会任由我放肆。最近越来越觉得他们真的老了。。。也更加珍惜那些相处时的温馨时刻，虽然我都不说出口。我老姐呢，则从叛逆少女兼问题制造者成为最佳老婆/老妈/媳妇/大嫂。。。我们当然也老早就随着她终于懂事了而化敌为友。有兴致时，还会开支红酒，抽(好几)根烟，聊聊事业，爱情，和一些有的没的。。。这一天，得来不易。当然，还有我家那两只随着我外甥的出生而被发放到边疆的巴哥狗！超人性化，超可爱。。。看着它们时，更觉得幸福真的可以很简单，而自己的嘴角也会经常不自觉的向上扬。

5)友谊长长久久

对能够拥有好几个能够掏心掏肺的好朋友们是心存感激的。工作占去了我太多的时间和精神，但他们都展现出非常包容的态度，甚至是苦等了12个小时后，还是没等得到我的出现，也不发火，不抱怨。相反的，他们还会非常关心我吃晚餐了没，累不累。还记得有一回在和工作连续交战了3天3夜后，因缺乏睡眠和忘了进食而在回家的车程中突然感到头晕目眩，四肢无力。倒霉的是空无一人的家里又搜不出半点食物。在这个时候，其中一位好朋友竟然雪中送炭，特地带着热腾腾的面食开车到我家。。。超~感~动！我遇上不顺心的事情时，好朋友们也会一个一个的接力传简讯或致电关心问候，或费心思帮我想对策。能拥有这样的好朋友，我是非常幸运的！这样的好朋友，我要珍藏一辈子！

我好幸福喔！！！

26岁的困惑

2006-05-28T19:56:00.000+08:00

是否还记得若干年前郭淑贤曾顶着个爆炸头高唱“困惑，太多困惑，看不清楚是什么。。。”

在26岁这个“离少女太远，离熟女太近”的年龄，困惑还真是一箩筐。要做怎么样的人，要追求什么样的事业成就，要创造怎么样的人生。。。选择常常出现A，B，C，D，E，F，G 。。。or all of the above.

时常对自己说，不要想太多。。。只要在现有的范围里好好地努力求上进，在机会出现时拼了老命地把它抓紧，那就可以了。。。这样的过程，会带我到不一样的地方，看见不一样的风景，我也会因此在“半”不知不觉中到达不一样的境界，成为不一样的自己。所以，不用勉强，也无需做太多安排，反正计划时常都赶不上变化。

但另一部分的我，却又不能安心地去接受这样的想法。

其实这也没什么大不了，我脑袋偶尔会有一点点不清醒，不用理我。。。我只是发发牢骚而已。

“置之死地而后生”之“死马当活马医”

2006-05-28T19:55:00.000+08:00

反正都是死，不如放胆博一博。

这么一想，顾虑马上少了，勇气瞬间多了。

抛开那些过于理智的分析，然后纵容自己闭上双眼凭着最原始的直觉去决定下一步，或许就能意外的找到一条生路。

能够达到“置之死地而后生”的最高境界，当事人应该是采取了“死马当活马医”的策略？

性格决定命运

2006-05-28T19:53:00.000+08:00

我永远都会牢牢地记住一位算命佬赐给我的10字真言 -- “改运先改心，行运先行动”。

这个和神学毫无关系的人生道理，由一位算命佬来传达，说服力立刻倍增。

只可惜还是有许多庸人宁愿费尽心思和力气去怨天，怨地，怨政府/老板/家人/情人/朋友/邻居/诸如此类。。。但就是打死都不肯诚实且带着积极的态度去面对并接受问题很可能是出在自己身上。

就好比即使你真是遭奸人所害才会陷入困境，那忙着幻想如何将他五马分尸后再碎尸万段之余，也应该抽空想一想自己是怎么中招的 -- 是因为太轻敌，太信任对方，还是因为自己根本就是个能力有限的超级大蠢蛋？

又或者你正在一家非常糟糕的公司上班。。。若无法非常豪气且在无损自己经济状况及事业规划的情况下地宴请老板吃麻辣鱿鱼，你会带着怎样的态度去面对每一天及每一项工作呢？是选择在粪坑里吸收养分并茁壮成长，亦是怨天尤人，自艾自怜？

不肯自我反省，自我鞭策的人，永远都化解不了他们生活上的困扰。。。当你认为问题都只出在别人身上时，你已经完全放弃所有改进或解决问题的权力。

只有当我们愿意去纠正我们的思想(心)，我们的机遇(运)才会有所改进。而机会(行运)往往是给做好准备的人(行动)。

就像我老妈子常说的，“性格决定命运”。

西天取完了经，东边应该还有。。。

2006-05-28T19:49:00.000+08:00

有一位办事能力极强的同事即将离开我们大夥儿一起共事多年的避风港。她的决定让避风港里的每一位成员都陷入忧郁当中。。。这包括了避风港的两位港主。。。泪洒港口的心酸场面不断上演。

不舍的理由很多。。。除了舍不得一位一直和咱们一起处理避风港每日大小事务和共度过许许多多天灾人祸的最佳拍档，咱们也舍不得一位让我们都觉得处理那些大小事务和共患难是一件乐事的好朋友。

但人嘛，如果有机会总还是应该勇敢地到外头闯一闯，看看世界，曾广见闻，也磨炼磨炼自己的‘野外’求生术。。。所以尽管有万般不舍，我也还是支持她的决定。

离开了避风港之后也许会没一天好日子过，但若真如此，对于一个坚强且绝对不会轻易放弃的人而言，那段‘苦日子’也会奠定她日后的成功。

其实我们真的很应该为她的勇气鼓掌加油。。。不是人人都能毅然离开自己能呼风唤雨的环境，到一个风大雨大的区域去接受严苛的考验。。。精神可嘉，敬佩敬佩！

就像五月天那首“孙悟空”里的歌词所说的，“西天取完了经，东边应该还有”。

要超越自己，寻求突破，就不能老是在自己最熟悉的环境里打转。。。哪怕那是一个最美丽的地方。

听天由命

2006-05-28T19:46:00.000+08:00

我是一个绝对不会轻易向老天爷低头的家伙。

可是一个人每天也真的只能分到24个小时。。。所以有些事也只好勉为其难地交由老天爷(又称 Mr Lau)代劳。。。英文称为'Delegate'。

比如说寻觅爱情。。。这种劳心伤神的事我就留给Mr. Lau全权负责好了。

我想姜是老的辣这句话还是有一点道理的。。。毕竟Mr. Lau对为痴男怨女寻觅爱情这项吃力不讨好的任务始终累计了多年的经验。

Mr. Lau, 现在就看你的了！

简单爱

2006-05-28T19:45:00.000+08:00

不论是人与人之间的爱，对家中小狗狗的爱，又或是对事业的爱，其实都应该很简单。

“我爱他精明能干却又解风情，所以和他在一起”。。。

“我爱它鬼马逗趣又没心机，所以识它为家人”。。。

“我爱动动脑筋玩玩文字，所以当广告擅稿员”。。。

爱，不一定要有伟大的意义支撑着才是对的。爱，贵在简单。